Liam and I played a challenging game of Connect 4 today. It was awesome, and I could tell he really enjoyed playing. But, in the middle of dropping plastic discs into a grid I couldn’t shake thinking about the idea of quality time and how our society has taught us to define it.
Quality time is something I want to mentally invest in. I want to be spending time with family, loved ones, etc. But recently, when I rewind my mind to moments passed, I can’t for the life of me figure out if the time I spend involves any quality, or if it does, does my idea of quality time meet expectation?
Some would say, just being around someone is quality time. And over a length of period, time together builds relationships. I’m inclined to believe that, and take it at face value. But something inside me thinks to earn the merits of “Quality,” something special has to occur. I wonder about these types of things. Am I doing all I can to be a great Dad/Husband? What could I be doing more? What I am not doing enough of? It can be overwhelming at times.
I think the culture and marketing of lifestyle in America has pumped supremely unrealistic expectations of time and quality time into our brains . I think as a whole, they strongly have mixed possessions and spending time together successfully to make you feel inferior if you can’t achieve both.
By their standards you will need the following: A big house, 2 nice cars, fashionable clothes, 2 to 3 vacations a year, up to date technology and a big savings account – all the while of course, spending quality time with your family. If you’re not that family in the “Sandals” commercial, something is off.
If you have the luxury of this situation, then more power to you. I don’t begrudge you one bit. The issue I take is with the angle of: if you don’t have all of this, something is wrong. Thats a dangerous message that subconsciously injures and divides.
Sure, I struggle with identifying quality time vs. time. And the more I think about it, maybe “quality” time is defined by the person present, not by some universal law. But I most certainly don’t and won’t confuse quality time with the acquiring of possessions. If ‘things’ are the only thing that make us happy, the machine has won and old fashioned quality time has diminished more.
Quality time isn’t a bullet point on a list, I believe it’s essential for childhood development and adult health. We can have both: possessions and quality time, but if you have to choose, choose the one money can’t buy.
I’ll choose playing Connect 4 and watching my son enjoy himself over trying to one up the Sandals commercial any day of the week.
ddileo 