Month: April 2014

Mickey and Mike are my two cousins. Both are very special to me and both are without question great people. How I came to be close with them are two very different stories. But when we were close, (the span of 4 years) it was a bond that was very special and unique on all levels. You may recognize their names. I’ve mentioned them before. They are indeed my cousins who went and spent time at Nonni’s on sundays. But thats not where this story began. The story began with a book cover. It ends with content.

It was at my cousin Victoria’s (Mickey’s sister) birthday party which me and Mike first got close. Mickey and I always had a closeness because of our age. But Mike and I never really connected because of the 10 year gap. The party was a great time. It occurred at a more innocent time in my families timeline. Currently that side of my family tragically avoids each other and celebrates family milestones in an isolated fashion, but at this time everyone was just playing their usual role in the family. Everyone got along enough to be in the same room. It was great. I overheard Mike talking about film. I never knew Mike was into movies and such. We talked a little at that party and we had sort of an unsaid, natural closeness. I also overheard Mike talking about how he needed a haircut. I told him without question I would do his hair as one night after work. He came and again the conversation flourished, from the barber chair to the parking lot something was happening. Something new, yet something genuine.

It was a click moment in my life. Here was someone who I knew my entire life, who was always around but suddenly was turned into everything I admired in a blink of an eye. I couldn’t believe that A.) he talked and thought about films the way I did and B.) he actually cared about what I had to say. Mike has a calm, comfort to him. He listens to you talk and very, very rarely talks about himself. A trait I wish I had. After that talk in the parking lot things were different for me. I had a new friend. More astonishingly, it seemed he had one too.

After a little while of phone convos, Mike proposed the idea of heading to Nonni’s to fix a light for her, that was actually the first Nonni’s visit, but we started to make it a weekly thing. After a little bit Mickey caught wind and starting showing up and we sort of just formed a unit, a strong one. Mickey and Mike had got along cordially, kind of like Mike and I. But they shared similarities. They were both very interested and involved with music and the creation of it. They had a strong connection with arts and past experiences. The unit was forming with energy leading us. I don’t think any of us forced anything. It all happened so naturally.

Mickey is different from Mike in many ways though. Whereas Mike has “strong” image in my opinion, Mickey had a gentleness about him that came off as a very innocent energy. You got the feeling being around him that he was never going to be controversial and always would support your feelings on matters. Mickey had/has a big heart and in my opinion displays it in a soothing yet comfortable way. Mickey and I grew up together, we basically stayed at Nonni’s all our early summer days until we were in High School. We played Mortal Kombat (physically, not video games) We imagined our own companies, we went to the park with Nonni and played baseball. We did all sorts of fun stuff but most importantly, we connected on a deep level at young age. It solidified us a friends, not just cousins. Connections happened with Mickey and Mike in my life, just at different times. It was hard to see all of our little connections until the 3 of us combined to make a friendship. It seemed like fragments of rivers winding aimlessly until spilling into a vast ocean.

In the beginning of our hanging out, much weighed on Nonni’s. We met there every Sunday and things were cool. I found myself looking forward to seeing them and catching up on the week. Sunday after sunday we would meet and every time we would learn and feel out a little bit more about each other. We would start to have little running jokes and familiarities in conversations that were never there. It was so interesting to me. These people were around my entire life yet now, just now I am letting them into mine and learning so much more than the cover of a book. Soon, just meeting at Nonni’s wouldn’t be enough. We started to go to the movies every Sunday night after Nonni’s house. Sure the movies were great, but the magic happened after. Long conversations in the parking lot ensued while we learned more and more about one another. Like newly realized strangers, we were shocked at what we thought about each other and we were enthralled to learn new elements of each other’s life for the first time. Every sunday for me, was a new chapter to the most excited book I ever read. It was a page turner.

The 3 of us also conversed about so much more than we could ever imagine. Relationship issues. Past experiences, what we’d learned. What we wouldn’t be doing again. What we wanted to do again. It was truly a cathartic experience for myself. I could honestly say I learned how to “comfortably” just be myself around them. I didn’t need to put up a front. They enjoyed my company for who I was and I appreciated that. It made me feel “OK” to be me. I hope they would say I gave off that same energy to them. It was such pleasurable experience to be in their presence.

Sometimes writing characteristics of people just doesn’t quite get the job done, so i’ve thought very hard of memories I have of us to really portray these amazing people and hopefully add some vibrancy and life to their portrayal displayed here. There are three memories that I believe are very telling and an accurate picture about us and our relationships. 1 of Mike, 1 Mickey and 1 of all of us:

MEMORY 1 – Unselfishness of Mickey
I filmed my movie in mid 2008. Mickey’s home was the main set piece for the filming and even I didn’t realize how obtrusive filming would be. It was encompassing on us, never mind Mickey’s family who basically traded their house for a film set for 40 early mornings and 40 very late nights. Mickey wasn’t hired to do anything besides be patient (which he was). Early in the filming, it was clear I didn’t have the right man power for the crew. Mickey somewhat picked up on this and quietly, in a humbling manner just began to help. He wasn’t looking for rewards, he wasn’t doing anything to get noticed. He plainly witnessed someone he loved in need, and he delivered. I figured it was a one day thing and I was thankful. But day after day, he made my movie a priority in his life. In other words, he made something I cared about mean a great deal to him. He didn’t have too, and that was the point. That was Mickey in a nutshell. Quietly helping behind the scenes when no one asks. He’s got huge heart and the remarkable aspect of it is; he’s unaware of just how unselfish he is.

MEMORY 2 – Kindness & Thoughtfulness of Mike
Mickey unfortunately had the inevitable happen to him. His girlfriend of multiple years broke things off after she entered college. It took a month longer than Mike and I predicted (october). Well, Mickey has a kind heart and really had super strong feeling for this girl. It wasn’t hard to see what was going to happen. It was unfortunate but a ticking clock, nonetheless. Sure enough Mike called me on a Saturday and said simply “Mickey’s a mess.” “Say no more” I responded. It was like our trio bat light in the sky was shining. Mike came to the salon and Mickey followed. I will be hard pressed to forget such a night. Mike sat for hours and hours at the salon literally until early morning giving Mickey advice on how to handle things. It was an act of amazing trust on one side and unparalleled kindness on the other. I sat back and watched in complete awe. 2 people completely in the moment. Mickey called, Mike responded. I had the extreme pleasure to observe such thoughtfulness from Mike. He cared immensely for Mickey and you could clearly see, it hurt Mike to see Mickey hurt.

MEMORY 3 – Something Real
When our Nonni ultimately ended up in the hospital for the final time, it was unfortunately in the midst of our families internal warfare. People who avoided each other (and Nonni) purposely were sort of forced to come and be around one another. They felt a need of some sort I guess. I’ll never forget that feeling that everyone was there to make up for lost time with Nonni. It felt so fake to me. So manufactured. I bad situation I admit. But in the middle of all that I beheld a sight I will never forget. My big, loud Italian family conversing with one another barely being able to look each other in the eye and across the room I see Mike and Mickey just talking, even laughing. Doing what we did. Enjoying each other’s company. We left nothing on the table. Especially with Nonni, but even more so with ourselves. We were all genuine in our feelings for one another. What more can someone ask for? In a time were everyone was playing the role of life, we weren’t “playing” anything. We had something real. We had a bond that didn’t require a death in the family to mend.

Mickey and Mike weren’t obligated to be anything but cousins to me. There was no script for us to follow. Events didn’t have to happen. But they did. Not a day goes by I’m not genuinely thankful for friends like them and the experiences we shared together. I realize many people go their entire lives without such relationships. I take nothing for granted. Every Sunday at Nonni’s, I knew something special was happening. Every time Mickey, Mike and I were planning something, I knew it would be for the ages. I knew these memories were what mattered and I had a feeling they did too.

The reason the Mickey and Mike time in my life was so profound, so special and most of all, so inspiring is something I have pondered for a very long time. I recently came up with an answer. A simple answer. I guess the only way to put this may be in an example: Picture someone in your life that you see everyday but don’t talk to. Now, think of what your thoughts are on that person. No doubt, you have an opinion. Sure you do, we’re pro’s at that. Then finally, one day go talk to them. Let them filled your skewed, perceived book covers with pages of freshness and breath life into it. The simple truth is actually really simple with Mickey and Mike. If Nonni’s never happened I fear to say they would still be book covers to me. Sure we would see each other at family parties and such. And sure, maybe their content grew clearer as time ticks along, after all they are family. But that directly strikes my point. I was “supposed” to be close to these two special people. But I wasn’t and I never knew I wasn’t till I got close enough to see who they really were and are. Two special people who hold a permanent spot in my life and heart. Our time we grew close was magical to me. No other word comes close. I love them very much.