Marriage is full of sacrifices and compromises. Growth and understanding are requirements. The simple and hard fact is marriage is difficult, especially for me. Someone who is an introvert/private/isolationist.
When I met Lindsey, I was very much those things. I was independent and satisfied. Years into our marriage I never changed. I stayed a stranger. That hurt Lindsey and I as a team. In the beginning we had a hard time finding a solid start. In the innocent sunrise of most marriages, ours was difficult and trying.
Of course not all was bad, not even the majority. But it was there; this feeling of me living life on my own and Lindsey along for the ride. I didn’t see it until recently and once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee the unfortunate truth. Because of me, we had an subpar relationship which directly equaled a subpar marriage.
Then I had a thought. Lindsey isn’t forced to be with me, she actively chooses to. That realization honestly changed everything. All of sudden everything fit into place. Like numerous puzzle pieces scattered, slowly lifted and fit in unison. I respected her decision to spend her life with me and I appreciated that sentiment on a very basic level. I truly learned to be thankful for very basic elements of our relationship.
When I look at her now I don’t want to be a stranger. I don’t want to just get by being an OK friend and husband. I want to be her best friend. Not just because we have to say we are best friends, I mean really enjoy each other’s company. Like genuine joy of each other’s presence. Ultimate goal.
I’m not perfect and i’ll never be the husband I think she deserves. But I’ll never stop trying to be someone who is trying to improve on a constant basis from here on out.
10 years in I can see the benefit of marriage, now. God gives you someone who chooses to spend their life with you and in return you embrace that person and respect them as their own human being. You experience the ups and downs, the bads and goods. The ugly and pretty. Whatever you experience, you experience open and honestly together. That’s how a relationship or marriage stays solid I think. Growth in unison.
What I’m learning: You acknowledge that life isn’t about you, and you breathe to see your spouse grow as a person and achieve goals. You wake up every day just to help and to make her life easier. I don’t want medals, I don’t want attention, I don’t want accolades, I just want her to know I love her by treating love as a verb. True love; giving all of you with the hope the other person will too.
I remember life as a stranger. But now I have a forever friend who I honestly couldn’t and wouldn’t want to live life without. She is the person I try and share every little detail with, she is the person I tell my deepest and darkest secrets to. She has always been mine, but now, 10 years in, I’m her’s.
I love your good vibes. I’m addicted to your positivity. Being with you is like wearing comfy pajama pants or sleeping in clean sheets after a fresh spin in the washing machine. You’re kinder and braver than I’ll ever be. Wherever you go, that’s where I’ll be.
Happy 10 Year Anniversary Linds.
ddileo 