Life – Page 5 – *ddileo

Status Crisis

I fell off a pretty high horse. At least that’s what it felt like when I left the Jacksonville Fire Department. Regardless of my reason(s) for leaving, the fact was and is I spent years (literally years) working hard to achieve employment. And after just 6 months, it was over. Like it never happened.

If I’m being honest, it still hits me hard from time to time. But, my open wounds haven’t stopped me from doing what I do best: think a lot about it. I got thinking about status and prestige. Why Jax fire was such big goal for me and why, currently, does it still leave a hole in my chest.

Then I learned of a man named Denis Diderot. Denis put a lot in perspective to me; about status, achievements and possessions.

I started thinking deeply of the reasons achieving JFRD was so important to me. I came up with a relatively simply answer: I made it a possession. And like we all do subconsciously or not, we let our possessions create our identity. Then in essence, when Jax didn’t work out, my identity was in crisis.

That took me back to Denis Diderot. He talked much about possessions. Looking for an answer and clarity from the Jacksonville Fire aftermath, I simply could connect Diderot’s idea of possessions and my goal of Jacksonville Fire.

Let’s talk about Diderot.

Despite composing several famous works, the French philosopher Denis Diderot spent the majority of his life in poverty. Like many enlightenment thinkers of his time, Diderot had little concern for material possessions. That changed when he received a new scarlet robe from his friend as a gift.

The robe was so beautiful that Diderot treasured it above all else. But Diderot also quickly realized that the robe was out of his place amongst his other common possessions. He didn’t own anything that would match the grandeur of his new robe.

And so Diderot went about replacing his old possessions. He replaced his straw chair with a leather one. A large mirror took over the mantle of his fireplace. He filled up the vacant corner of his house with a writing desk.

Before long, Diderot found himself in debt. As he remarks in his essay titled Regrets For My Old Dressing Gown,

“I was the absolute master of my old robe. I have become the slave of the new one”.

The Diderot Effect

Diderot’s story shows how the acquisition of new possessions or achieving status is never a singular event. Each new purchase or status achievements often creates a spiral of actions that leads you to mentally acquire more and more things.

It’s a social phenomenon that explains much of our modern consumption patterns. Savvy marketers often bundle complementary products together and make us offers so compelling we cannot refuse them. One seemingly innocent purchase can lead to many bad decisions.

Having heard Diderot’s warning, I now know what happens when we go about mindlessly acquiring new possessions. But that doesn’t make the suppression of this behavior any easier. To understand our true challenge, we need to scrutinize Diderot’s story more closely.

As he writes in his essay, Diderot cared little for material possessions before he acquired his new robe. He didn’t see them as representative of the inherent worth and value of a person:

“I can bear the sight of a peasant woman without disgust. That piece of simple cloth that covers her head, the hair that sparsely falls across her cheeks, those tattered rags that half cover her, that poor short petticoat that doesn’t cover half her legs, her naked feet covered with muck cannot wound me. It is the image of a state I respect; it’s the ensemble of the of the lack of grace of a necessary and unfortunate condition for which I have pity.”

But shortly after he acquired his new robe, Diderot’s views changed. He came to identify with the grandeur and beauty of his scarlet robe. Eventually, he thought the same of his other possessions as well:

“The poor man may take his ease without thinking of appearances, but the rich man is always under a strain”

How did a simple robe end up causing Diderot so much grief?

What We Really Want

As it turns out, Diderot was spot on about how material possessions become intertwined with our identity.

The wealthier we get, the more things become a form of self-expression. We no longer buy shirts and shorts for the cloth that covers our skin but also to reflect our tastes and social standing.

Ironically, the overt pursuit of status is a low-status activity. Chasing after someone’s approval demonstrates low self-worth, which is why we instead opt to chase after possessions. This explains why the biggest companies in the world spend so much on branding.

As Charles Chu notes in his essay, luxury brands like BMW make it a point to advertise to everyone regardless of their income level. It seems like a mistake until you realize that they’re not aiming to sell you a car — not directly at least.

Their goal is to get everyone to believe that their product is valuable. The money comes in when people buy their products in a bid to signal their status.

The Pursuit Of Status

It’s absurd that most of us are unhappy and yet, we have never been wealthier throughout history.

The problem lies in the nature of the game we’re playing.

Status is hierarchical by definition since there can only be one top dog at any time. That makes the pursuit of status an essentially zero-sum game, where your gain is my loss. We can never have enough if we need to have more than our neighbor. You can never really win because the game doesn’t end. All you can do is maintain your position at the top.

What do we do then?

Your first instinct may be to declare that you’re never going to chase status again. Yet, that’s unlikely to work out. Status was vital to our ancestors because it determined who got first choice of meat and mate: we were willing to give those who were more important to the group more privileges. While we don’t need the protection of a tribe today, status still serves largely the same purpose. We haven’t really changed much at all.

There are other ways to play this game though. Even if we’re biologically primed to chase status, it doesn’t mean that we need to acquire more possessions. A bigger and better house may force us to spend half of our lives working. The same goes for luxury cars, accessories and jewelry, although to varying degrees.

These items are costly — in terms of both time and money — yet have little intrinsic value. Why not pursue activities that are a form of signal, but also have inherent value as well? For instance:

Work out at the gym. A big reason why people go to the gym is so they can tell others about it. But working out also provides the inherently valuable benefit of being healthy.
Speaking or debating publicly. Speaking in front of an audience signals some form of expertise, but the prerequisite is that you must be informed. Knowledge is the main benefit.

Teaching others. It’s another demonstration of expertise, but it’s the Protégé Effect at work as well: you’re helping others learn a skill while refining your own understanding.
Jim Rohn once remarked that “The greatest reward in becoming a millionaire is not the amount of money that you earn. It is the kind of person that you have to become to become a millionaire.”

In other words, we should be aiming for the steak and not the sizzle. If we can’t give up the latter, we must make sure that it’s always accompanied by the former.

What Are We Chasing?

It’s easy to get lost chasing more without considering what we really want.

Therein lies the danger of mindless consumption and competition. Most of the time, all we really get are substitutes or replicas of what we truly desire in life. It takes reflection and honesty with ourselves to figure that out.

Take the time to figure that out before you embark on your chase. As you may have realized from Diderot’s example, it can be very costly when you chase the wrong things.

So to bring us back home, I’m not saying chasing Jacksonville Fire Department was the wrong thing. But it clearly didn’t work. I may not be feeling any better about my Jacksonville outcome, but at least Denis Diderot’s essay sheds some light on why it meant so much and why it still hurts.

You can’t identify yourself with a possession or a job. You’re bigger than that. I think that’s what Diderot was really trying to tell us. Sure, possessions, jobs and status are just things in this world. Let’s not miss the fact they they are complimentary things and not identity defining things.

I’m still Danny with or without the Jacksonville Fire Department. And shame on me for letting myself define my success with a person, place or thing.

As I wrote about a few years back; ‘Being you is good enough.’

That’s not breaking news, but sometimes a reminder is timely medicine to stitch your identity back together.

Life, Movies

How The Blair Witch Project changed horror for ever

I remember seeing The Blair Witch Project in theaters quite vividly. While vacationing in New Hampshire, My father took me to a rundown movie theatre in North Conway. The theater’s ambiance fit the film like a glove; old, historic and equally creepy and creaky. Leaving the theater I was in a daze. Still to this day I’ve never been so affected by a movie. We drove home through the mountains in the black of night, the wind whistling through the trees, and my imagination creating endless possibilities.

I know it that sounds spooky, but in my mind that memory is so special.

Anyways, great reminder from The Guardian speaking on The Blair Witch Project and how unique the film’s roll out was…

And it worked: many early cinemagoers thought the film was a documentary. It is still one of the most delectably scary movies out there, and its ingenious premise required it to break all the rules: no script, no jump scares, no music, no professional crew, no special effects, not even any witches. What it did have, which often goes unremarked upon, was totally convincing actors. Horror is traditionally about confronting our darkest fears but Blair Witch doesn’t really do that; instead, it shows us other people confronting theirs. The hysteria is contagious.

Life

Motherly Instinct

Faith, feeling & instinct. These are divisive terms nowadays. If you’re not careful, you’ll let social network labeling and online discussions forums decide for you on their existence. Have you ever had a hunch? A sense about something? A premonition, maybe? Believing in things we can’t see, it’s tricky for sure. It takes work. It takes belief. Belief in the invisible.

Growing up I always had a sense that energy, tone or just plain emotion were invisible forces that I could feel. I can’t explain it and really just try to avoid defining it. But, theres one type of invisible force I’d like to talk about.

My wife, Lindsey made a decision a few weeks ago.

To give a little background, our youngest son, Leo, was diagnosed with ‘Failure to Thrive‘ in late November of 2018. He was greatly underweight and under developed. This hit us like a brick to the face. It’s hard to sit there and listen to medical professionals tell you facts. Facts that just can’t be changed about someone you love.

Leo had to live with an NG tube. For those unfamiliar, that’s a feeding tube that travels through his nasal cavity and extended into his stomach. It was a highway for food, basically. This was very necessary. Without getting into the hardships this brought upon us and obviously him, I’ll just summarize by saying it was extremely trying and pushed lindsey and I both to our emotional and physical limits.

Fast forward a bit, Leo wasn’t doing great with the tube in. Sure he was getting food and growing slowly. But, he wasn’t doing anything on his own. He wasn’t eating on his own, he wasn’t drinking on his own. He was turning into a boy dependent on tube feeding. This was tough to watch, but we were put in-between a rock and a hard place. He needed the calories no matter how they got there.

Somewhere in the middle of all this Lindsey started to talk a lot about the idea that he was full all the time because the tube was on auto pilot. When a kid is full on his own, he could just pull away. When a tube is shoving food down your throat, you are at the mercy of the amount given. It was a plausible idea to say the least. Maybe Leo was just full all the time? How would we ever know if the tube remained in?

We put that thought process in our back pocket and continued on with Dr’s orders.

After weeks of the same and Leo becoming more miserable by the day, something very routine happened, for the 9th or 10th time. Leo’s tube came out. I was at the fire department and Lindsey couldn’t make it to the ER until I got home which would be that next morning. We agreed to take him back to the hospital for tube placement the next morning.

When I got home, Lindsey had her mind made up. We talked and she was set on keeping his tube out for the time being. She wanted to try what we talked about early on. “Let’s let him get hungry without the tube” She said. Lindsey also said something that struck me, “I just know this is the right thing to do” She said. “It feels right.”

I respect that. Even if going against Dr’s orders scared me, there was something inside Lindsey that was inspiring to say the least.

The tube stayed out.

Leo flourished. I mean ‘flourished’ is saying it lightly. He gained the most weight he’s ever gained in a week’s time without the tube. The Dr’s literally weighed him multiple times because of plain and professional disbelief. Lindsey’s thoughts and theories proved accurate. It really was an amazing event. To make a decision based on a feeling, such a big decision at that. This got me thinking. Possibly the most important decision ever made for Leo’s well being was made on a gut feeling, on a conviction, on an instinct.

How much faith do I put in my gut feelings? Thats something I’ve never measured before. It’s a trait we all need to get in touch with more. We are who we are and we feel what we feel for a reason. I’ve always believed God plants traits and characteristics inside of us for reasons that won’t be apparent until we need them. But we need to know how to listen for them. I touched on this subject of ‘searching for silence’ a year or so ago.

Point is: something that was always in Lindsey decided to pop up and at the exact right time our 1 year old needed the most and Lindsey wasn’t scared enough to make the call that rightfully was her’s and her’s alone to make. It may have been the bravest, call to arms moment in Lindsey’s life that may never get the credit it deserves. She listened to her motherly instinct and the universe aligned. I don’t think of that as a coincidence, I think of it as prophecy fulfilled or blueprints built.

We have to listen to who we are and what we feel. Now more than ever it’s so important to understand your instincts and listen to yourself. If we’re nothing but regurgitated facts we see on Facebook or YouTube or whatever, we’re selling ourselves short. We are so much more. We have so much more inside of us.

If Lindsey didn’t listen to that small voice inside telling her to keep Leo’s tube out, I’m honestly not sure where we’d be right now. It was the biggest decision Leo has ever had made for him. Life-changing. Literally.

Imagine how many life changing decision we could make as humans, if we just listen to our instincts, our feelings and that small voice inside. God made us who we are and how we are for a reason.

Thats a simple truth you may never believe until you achieve believing in the invisible. In Lindsey’s case, believing in her Motherly Instinct.

Deep Thoughts, Life, Technology

Project ScreenTime: Dethrone the Phone

It’s no secret that our phones shape, effect and control each of us. I don’t say that lightly. Infinitely scrolling, infinitely discontent. That’s us. We live in an unfortunate reality.

Picture this: a life in which an individual wakes up, maybe checks the newspaper. Goes to work, converses and interacts with humans in a concentrated way. Eats meals without a glowing screen nearby. Drives home and admires nature. Arrives, spends time with family. Listens to them talk, their concerns and words are priority number 1. Eats dinner, maybe goes for a walk, feels and appreciates the cool breeze. Gazes at the night time sky in amazement of God’s unmatched handiwork. Finally, goes to bed. No glowing screen ruling and dictating actions.

If the scenario above seems hard to imagine, it’s mainly because it’s non existent in our current world. In an early draft of this post, I had a second scenario of our lives with phones. I just couldn’t keep it in though, it was all too miserable.

TOO MUCH FOR TOO LONG

Addiction and conviction, that’s what triggered all this.

Truth is “Project Screentime” was in the works for a long time. It just materialized itself in a way I didn’t see coming. For the longest i’ve had this feeling of too much screen time in my life. I’ve never had the numbers to prove it, though. You know… the “my head hurts after looking at a 5 inch screen for too long” feeling. I think we all have had that once or twice. Truthfully, I was sick of it. I was sick of not being in the moment. I was sick of being dependent on some device. I was sick of not feeling human. I wanted to be someone who cherishes people’s words and wants to listen and be there 100%.

My phone was disallowing that. It was an enabler of friction. My phone had slowly become a buffer to me and the real world.

I found that disgusting. I lived the majority of life without this device, and now this? This is the end? This phone is my final resting place of consciousness? The reality of that scenario was just unacceptable to me. I knew I wanted to change, but had no idea how.

HELLO iOS 12 and SCREENTIME

To say the least, I was elated when Apple announced ‘Screentime’. My grudges with the phone seemingly became other people’s and the stories were becoming mainstream. People were addicted to their phones. Or maybe more accurately, to the content on their phones. Behind the scenes, Apple was working on health features for an upcoming software release. Whether Apple timed it right or just played catch up, the release was happily welcomed by many.

ios-12-digital-wellbeing-100760087-orig — Apple introducing iOS12 and Screentime.

Essentially, “Project Screentime” started with Apple’s most recent software, iOS 12. iOS 12 has a feature I’ve long waited for and long have been afraid of; a health feature called ‘Screentime.’ Basically ‘Screentime’ was pitched as a report of such that anyone could access to view their phone usage.

Apple was touting many useful features inside ‘Screentime.’ Sure there were apps that already kind of did this sort of thing, Moment for one. But the way Apple could seamlessly tie in all these features was going to be an unrivaled effort. ‘Screentime’ released in the fall of 2018.

So upon release of iOS 12 I started tracking my time.. Scary stuff. To say it kindly, my phone was eating away at my life. This wasn’t about me wanting to feel better than others and compare. This was genuinely about improving myself and my health. Like I mentioned, I was sick to my stomach and ready for my usage truth.

THE UGLY TRUTH

At a glance, my screen time averaged 3 hours and about 30 minutes per day. That was tough to swallow. The number that really did me in though, was my weekly number. It was up around 25 hours per week. 25 hours! Thats more than an entire day out of my week. 1 out of 7 days, me looking at this glowing screen of nonsense. My assumptions were accurate and scary. My phone was an unwanted, constant thief of attention.

Like I mentioned, no one likes to find out stuff like this. When you start a diet, it’s hard to step on that scale. But you must. You NEED that number. It’s important. It’s a starting point. And it’s a number you could immediately improve on. Well, that’s how I looked at my screentime number. Scary? Yes. Depressing? Certainly. Improvable? Unsure at the moment.

Looking at your most used apps is the next biggest aspect of screen time. Really, there was no surprise there. Tweetbot and Reddit owned this space. Both social networks, both adding exactly zero value to me. Other high seeders including Messages, YouTube and Safari.

If I’m being honest I have to admit the simple truth; it was really hard in the beginning. My first thought was to limit certain apps. ‘Screentime’ has this useful feature to set app time limits. So I figured i’ll take those high tier apps and set some 20 min limits. Unfortunately this proved extremely hard and not practical in the least bit. My time did dip though, about a half hour a day. But my endgame, ultimate goal was to range in around 60 minutes per day. I was no where close.

I struggled for weeks.

Honestly, the goal seemed almost unobtainable. Then I had an epiphany. A click moment of sorts.

PHONE AS A TOOL

I was listening to “The Minimalists” podcast and they mentioned the idea of commissioning your belongings for exact uses in your specific life. This keeps items useful and necessary. I thought about my phone. What do I NEED it for? Well, I need to stay connected with people. Most importantly, my family.

So I started looking at my phone as a tool. A specific tool for specific tasks. Forget about what it can do. What do I need it to do. Just because you have something that can do a lot doesn’t mean you need it to do a lot.

Trust me, I’m all for being productive, but Reddit, Twitter, Youtube, Safari and Messages are hardly productive.

Also, I reorganized my phone’s layout. I put only the most needed apps on my front home screen. On the second page I grouped everything into folders. I deleted about half my apps…..apps I never used.

New Home Screen set up

2nd page of folders

After my reorganization, I conducted a week long trial run.

My time again declined. After about a week I was down to 1 hour and 45 min (give or take) per day. Looking from day one at 3 hours 30 min plus, cutting my time in half was certainly an achievement. But my goal was and is the 60 min range. If anything else could be done, I wanted to try.

Here’s a shocker that really isn’t a shocker: I felt good. Believe it or not; I was listening to people more, I wasn’t always wondering what was happening on my phone in my pocket, I didn’t feel the need to check anything. I felt completely in the moment all the time. Peoples words started to carry weight. People started to matter more, and the priorities of my phone slowly waded away. Truly, this was a refreshing feeling.

Improvement from 3:30

Getting better with discipline.

DO NOT DISTURB

There is one more feature Screentime offers: Notifications. Screentime lets you look at how many notifications per day, per hour you receive, who they are from and what apps are triggering the most. I was shocked at some of these numbers. According to Screentime, I was averaging around 20 notifications an hour. Mostly from Messages, Sports apps, News apps and Mail.

This made me think deeply about the philosophy of my interaction relationship with my phone. Am I a slave to this device? Am I at the beck and call of every single little beep and vibration this phone makes. My ego wanted to say no. My brain told me yes, of course you are.

And thats when my final click moment occurred.

‘Do Not Disturb’ is a feature Apple added a few years ago. Basically DND turns your phone to silent. Your device won’t vibrate, beep or do anything. There is no way to even know you have an alert until you pick up your phone and check. To me, this flipped the script. Now, my phone is working for me. I tried my phone on DND for a 48 hour period. My time reports were drastically lower.

I was averaging around 70 min per day.

Amount of pick ups after ‘Do Not Disturb’

Notifications after ‘Do Not Disturb’

Only allowing calls in ‘Do Not Disturb’

Enable DND with a simple swipe and tap

I could totally see why. How many times do you get a notification, finish whatever and then venture off into some other app and before you know it 15 minutes go by. Happened to me all the time, multiple times a day. “Do Not Disturb” vanished that threat for me. I only pick up the phone when I want. That is a remarkable feat! Using your phone solely as a tool.

Also, in these past few months of using the phone less, I’ve noticed I’ve gone back to doing things I truly love doing. Whether that be watching more films or writing more consistently. It’s honestly like I’ve gained a part of me back that was gone for a while. I can’t quite figure out why yet. Maybe it’s knowing I’m not dependent or have an always attached feeling to my phone, I don’t know. It’s a great feeling, though.

The combination of all these tools has helped me tremendously. And I have to give credit where credits due, Apple is the only reason this was possible. I wish they would make these features a little more findable for normal users and a little more user friendly. But, I was in dire need and am so thankful I took the time to learn and understand all these features Apple included with ‘Screentime.’

WHY?

You may ask yourself, what’s the big deal? Why take such drastic measures?

I can’t speak for anyone but me. But, allow me to explain where my head is at:

Why do we sit in chairs the way we do? I know thats an odd question. But honestly, think about it. If you’re sitting down right now, why are you sitting that way?

The answer is shockingly simple. You’re sitting that way because your chair is shaped that way. The older I get I’ve chosen to try and implement a few guidelines in my life:

I want to understand, to the best of my knowledge, why I do what I do.
I want to be kinder and more open with people and live in the moment better.
And lastly and most importantly, I want to rule my actions and not have devices, people or situations dictate how I act.

I don’t mind sitting in a chair if its the way I want to sit. But I don’t want to be oblivious to why I’m sitting a certain way. I don’t want possessions and situations dictating how I’m acting towards others, ever. The simple truth is my Phone was totally effecting how I treated people. It was essentially pushing people lower and lower on the priority list.

My phone was an issue and will always be a threat. I understand that now. It crept it’s way to that status with me being passive about it’s usage and place in my personal life. But, I wanted to be accountable. I wanted to try and take control.

I want to live an intentional life and be mentally present for any and everything loved ones bring to my attention.

My phone does still have a use. Very vital uses that promote personal productivity. My Calendar, Reminders, To do’s, Maps and Phone calls are now my phone’s primary functions. All of these are very important to keep me organized. I don’t just pick up my phone and ‘play’ around on it. I spend very limited time, doing very specific things on my phone now.

So Yes, I still have an iPhone X. It’s still with me all the time, in my pocket when I’m not home. But here are some of its upgraded features after Project Screentime: it’s more quiet, less obtrusive, has a simpler more minimal lay out, and extremely effective at what I need it to do.

It’s a well oiled machine tailored specifically for Danny’s life and needs.

Or I guess you could look at it this way, now its a tool I control and not the other way around.

Life

Prologue to Leo’s NEWBORN Video

This video was very difficult for a number of reasons. First, “newborn” videos are always intimidating mostly because that’s the year I really want to get right. But, Leo’s first video presented a unique ‘late in the game’ challenge because of his Failing to Strive diagnosis in late November.

I usually start these videos 6 months in advance, so a month before the boy’s birthdays, the videos usually have a bow on them and all buttoned up. This project was no different. But then our visit to Wolfsen’s Children Hospital happened.

I had a decision to make, completely avoid Leo’s medical situation and roll on with the finished video, or… include it.

If I was being honest with myself, of course it needed to be in. That’s the point of these videos; document realities for the boys benefit of looking back. So I did something I’ve never done before, I started over from scratch, with 3 weeks until video due date.

See, the tone in that first video was all wrong for Leo’s medical revelation. It wouldn’t have worked if I just added some clips of his NG tube and him looking somber. It would have felt forced. So I scrambled and had many late night walks trying to find the perfect tone and emotion in music and pacing.

To fast forward….I am very pleased with the end result. I think more than ever it strikes a very real chord of tone and emotion for Leo’s difficult but hopeful predicament.

I hope everyone enjoys it. To me, this is one of my favs and has found a real, warm place in my heart.

Video coming on December 26.

Life

Black Friday

If you haven’t already had the opportunity to check out Matt D’Avella’s Stuff, your really missing out. He and The Minimalists are a much welcomed breath of fresh air.

Anyways, Matt’s newest video is a fantastic analysis on Black Friday and while nothing he presents is groundbreaking new information, that’s the most powerful aspect about it. We all are fully aware of how ridiculous Black Friday is, yet we participate like uncultured maniacs.

I like how he ends his video:

Hurry up! This is a limited time offer! Only while supplies last! Up to 60, 70, 80 percent off! But the truth is these things won’t provide sustainable happiness and the best deal you’ll ever get this Black Friday, is not buying into the hype.

Listen, I’m not saying don’t participate in getting a good deal if you have a need. By all means, it’s actually financially wise to participate. Just don’t let it define your happiness. That leads down a long, dark, lonely road of discontent. And there’s nothing more the machine of consumerism would love.

You + Discontent = 😢

Life

Fact, Belief & UFOs

Anyone who knows me well, knows I am a very open minded person who has some “interesting” beliefs about the cosmos and it’s inhabitants. To say it plainly: UFOs. But recently I have been drawing some striking parallels with my beliefs, the current social climate and you guessed it: UFOs.

In our time on earth, human beings have learned that information — or its absence — can be the difference between life and death. For our ancestors, not knowing a tiger was prowling outside the cave could constitute a fatal lack of knowledge.

We live in a time when the lines between knowledge and belief are increasingly blurred.

Personally, I find it helpful in any situation or thought process to separate information into four categories:

Information that I know
Information that I think
Information that I believe
Information that I don’t know

Let me be clear, it is tempting to confuse information I know to be factual with information I believe to be true.

Unfortunately, the confusion between fact and belief can foreclose our ability to receive actual facts and data with an open mind. As you can imagine, when it comes to everyday life and agenda pushing, knowing and believing can be two entirely different things.

As a gigantic recent example, prior to Operation Iraqi Freedom, the U.S. Government conflated its knowledge of Saddam Hussein’s military capabilities with the belief that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction.

This “confusion” of information ultimately led to the Iraq War. Without passing on the validity of the invasion, the rationale that weapons of mass destruction (and oil) would be unleashed on the U.S. by pro-Al Qaeda Iraqi forces was definitely flawed.

It’s hard work to revise deeply-held notions about what’s fact and what isn’t, but it’s crucial that we try. There’s a lot at stake. For personal growth, for my well being and yours. We can’t make progress unless we learn to distinguish between fact and belief.

There’s been significant social stigma in recent decades around the topic of UFOs because it’s so often associated with weird conspiracies and, in some cases, straight-up con artists. And many of those who do believe that UFOs exist really only want to believe in aliens, which limits meaningful progress in the field.

If we continue to act on belief alone rather than accompanied by knowledge, we slow down progress and prevent ourselves from understanding the natural state of things. Many innovations which the public was initially skeptical of — like the computer, X-rays, and even the internet — turned out to be extremely beneficial to mankind. It took overcoming cynicism and opening ourselves up to unfamiliar but factual data and observations for society to fully take advantage of these breakthroughs.

Knowledge doesn’t necessarily have to be at odds with belief, but any well-grounded belief should always make room for new knowledge. Sometimes that’s tough to swallow.

Today, there are entire industries that profit from obscuring the truth by conflating facts with supposition. (cough facebook cough.) Tabloids and gossip columns organize their entire business model based on publishing salacious, yet mostly uncorroborated stories. The logic being, if it’s mostly true, then the entire thing must be true, too.

Social media serves to further confuse what we know to be true and what we believe might be true. With a click of a button, people are sharing their opinions as facts, and now more than ever, people are willing to believe in those opinions as facts. I’m not going to beat that dead horse anymore.

One has to look no further than the gluttony of web celebrities pushing commercial goods, from miracle cosmetics to diet remedies to spiritual wellness, each spokesperson du jour swearing by their product, only to move on to another one the next week.

Likewise, politicians frequently frame campaign promises in terms of belief. They promise they’ll lower taxes, educate more children, or feed more people, relying on their constituents will believe their words rather than know their voting track record.

As voters soon find out, these proclamations are usually based less on facts and more on emotional and personal beliefs. In fact, entire campaign slogans often blur the lines deliberately between knowing and believing. One of the most popular and effective slogans in recent history was recently used by a former Presidential candidate; “Change you can believe in.”

Again, I am not passing judgment on any particular party — both parties do it as a habit. But as a voter, it is important to distinguish between a campaign fact and a campaign belief.

I’m getting off topic…

Bottom line: My personal growth hinges on my ability to accept new information.

In 17th-century Salem, Massachusetts, villagers’ unfounded beliefs that certain individuals were witches and warlocks were taken as fact, resulting in the torture, drowning, and burning of innocent people. In the present day, of course, we are repulsed by such ignorance, yet it persists in many parts of the world.

But whether you’re talking about “witches,” government policies, or anomalies in the sky, it’s critical that we learn how to distinguish between fact and belief.

In my opinion, the only thing worse than lacking knowledge is attempting to make decisions based on a false belief.

Even if UFOs aren’t your thing. When you take into account all the recent news and borderline bombshells written in very established reporting circles, you would be remised to turn your cheek. Such letting your beliefs influence possible facts.

Humans have only been able to accomplish all that we have because we are able to receive and process new information, and adapt to new realities. As for the topic of Unidentified Aerial Phenomena and the wonder of outer space, we have a choice. We can allow our beliefs to fill in the gaps or we can continue to doggedly pursue data in hopes that what we know informs what we believe.

Life, Memories of Nonni

Picking The Pasta

My nonni had a way of making people feel important. In many ways, a special gift she possessed. As a young boy, I remember thinking she was the sole person who actually listened to me. When your young that means a bunch, especially if your looking for a lending ear. When you grow and begin maturing, it means substantially more. She taught me that listening is vastly more important than talking. While our famous Sunday evening memories are engulfed with very talkative conversation, the most fluid and influential are unsurprisingly calm and quiet vignettes that stand the test of time.

7PM was the appointed meeting time at Nonni’s home. Every Sunday, all year. Two other very special people came, and we formed in many ways a bond that will never be broken. A past memory we were fortunate enough to be around for. If we were ignorant in the beginning to just how special this time would be, it became more apparent as Sundays went. The event gave me something to look forward to you. It gave me hope that in a rough week, Nonni’s was around the corner. Once in a while I would “accidentally” arrive early. Not too early, but a mere 20 or so minutes prior. Those 20 minutes were simply me talking and Nonni listening. She taught and told me without uttering a single syllable; listening is what matters.

It never failed, once the clock hit 7 and the three of us were assembled around the table, she would inevitably give the command. In a seemingly random order, one of us would be summoned to pick the pasta. Surely, a mundane action to anyone especially us, considering it happened every single Sunday. But to her, an important reminder for us that we were important. The command signified a pause in life. As soon as the order was given, it was ok to settle in. In many ways, it was her saying sit down and relax. It was a subtle phrase that suddenly meant the world to me. Much like Nonni’s, the emotion changed from mundane to admiration.

Conversations were picked and plucked from many different worlds at Nonni’s table. Her participation varied and nearing the end of her life, she was reserved to just listening for the most part. I wouldn’t be so ignorant to think this wasn’t purposeful though. She was as much of the conversation quiet as she was vocal. She loved to just sit there and let us talk, mostly about subjects she had admittedly, absolute zero interest in. But even in the moment I assumed something deeper was happening.

It occurred to me after the fact that Nonni in many ways was an enabler. An enabler of this event for starts. It was in fact her who first invited us over, only to let us talk and converse about things she didn’t care about, yet endured the conversations. You see she didn’t care about the subjects of topic, or type of pasta we picked or anything for that matter. All she truly cared about was that we were there. And she did everything in her humble ways to make us feel welcome and significant. From varying bowl sizes according to appropriately sized eaters, to simply just listening about things she didn’t necessarily care about but knew we did. She was all about us, all of the time.

I think Nonni’s impact was so influential on me simply because she never flaunted her motives. She never needed credit for doing anything and she certainly wasn’t looking for it. She was more invested in spending time with us, then projecting life lessons.

But the beautiful revelation of Sundays at Nonni’s, came to me after the fact. Like a great painting, being too close to something blurs the intended meaning. Nonni’s was always about life lessons and they were so effective because they were genuinely distributed.

You see Nonni always wanted to make one of us feel special, she always gave us all the time we needed. To talk amongst each other or simply listen to us individually, unconditionally. Not impending judgement, just lending an ear with input if we so desired. She taught me, there’s a place for that in life. There’s a place called meekness that lives only when you realize a direct way to someones life is through their heart, not their head. Something Nonni did so well; just listen and invest in those you love. A great life lesson she distributed to me. Something I am forever grateful for and an area I continually try to improve in.

Towards the end of nonni’s life I came to find out something very interesting. It turned out, Nonni always knew who’s turn it was to pick the pasta. As weeks went by, she kept a record of it. It wasn’t a guess on her part. It was important to her; remembering the little details about loved ones in her life. But I cant help but wonder that she knew, one day we would understand and comprehend. Understand her quietness around the table. Comprehend that listening is the best gift you can give someone. I cant help but think she knew as we grew older, that the purpose for coming to Nonni’s wasn’t at all to keep her company as we all thought. But for us to learn.

Learn how to one day let someone else pick the pasta.

Life, Technology

Shackles, Chains & Facebook

Be honest with yourself and ask this simple question: “Are you a slave?”

slave
slāv/
Noun,historical
1.
a person who is the property of another and is forced to obey them.

“Property.” I like that word. Its bold, but honest. Lets take a look at that too.

prop·er·ty
ˈpräpərdē/
noun
1.
a thing or things belonging to someone; possessions collectively.

Do you belong to someone or something? First, I think we have to really put a microscope on what makes us ourselves? Over my years of learning I’ve come to this realization: my time and attention make a big part of who I am. Those 2 attributes usually are well developed traits that tell you everything and anything you need to know about yourself. Its a scary, ‘look in the mirror’ analysis.

I guess we can land at these 2 questions: Where do you spend most of your time? How do you focus most of your attention? I can’t help but think the majority of us combine time and attention in a major way to glowing screens. But that’s ok, we’re not slaves to screens, We’ve already established what being a slave is: “A person who is property of something or someone who exhibits time and attention to a particular item with no self control.”

Oops. Well, this is awkward. That kind of sounds like most people’s relationship with Facebook. But we’re certainly not slaves to Facebook. That would be ridiculous. We perform self control. We demonstrate human qualities that enable us to use these devices at will. Simple. We are fine.

Wait… did I just hear a phone vibrate. Is it bothering you not to check? Of course not, you have self control. It’s just a phone right? OK, lets take a break so you can look at it. Just real quick. It will only be a second.

Wait, its been 15 minutes, Where did you go? I mean, physically your still here. But mentally, where did you go?

Does that sound familiar to anyone out there? Lets refer back to our trusty definitions. It did kind of feel like you were forced to obey that notification. A little scary yes, but you got this. Still plenty of control. You say it’s a balance that must be achieved. Well, I agree with that notion. The issue is, balance is not judged. Balance is interpreted, it’s a vague line in the sand that waves of bad habit slowly wash away. Sure, you could sort of make out the line. But you can also pretend where you would like the line to be.

Enter the modern day slaves and Facebook, your owner. The ever-moving, pretend line where one minute we are secretly stalking only God knows, and the next we are posting some fake highlight reel photos of your life. You guys know this. Facebook is hardly real life, its more like a whimsical fictitious narrative. It sounds exhausting because it is and the majority of Americans have bought in. They’ve bought into the competitiveness of judgmental living and faux comparisons to their “friends.” They’ve bought into the notion that you could live on your own terms without face to face interaction and be better off for it. They’ve bought into their own slavery.

To be honest, it’s actually not so difficult to understand why.

Remember that line I was talking about earlier? The balance line? What I didn’t mention is balance is only achieved through some sort of discipline. Am I underselling the common person’s discipline? No, I’m certainly not. I had Facebook a long time ago. But when I was uncontrollably checking in and being the least productive human I could possibly be, it took more than discipline to leave it. Its obvious the majority doesn’t have that want or will. Look no further than their contentment with launching the Facebook app every 30 minutes and opening the door to a toxic hellstew. In other words, the majority are content to spend their time and attention to a pastime that fuels nothing but judgment and wrong motives.

You could say this post is crazy and I’m overreaching. I’ve thought about that a lot while writing. I’ve thought about the few who could execute Facebook properly and not abuse the service. Those people inspire me. Truth is, I have a place deep down in my heart for those who are “slaves” or who suffer from any form of “addiction.” So I guess that outweighed any other aspect of publishing this. Maybe I look at it like a call to help. Maybe if one person could make a change and release themselves from Facebook’s grasp, this all would have been worth it.

Let me explain simply, to be locked into your phone or social network the majority of time is bad no matter how you slice it. It’s really is no shock that recent studies have tagged Facebook with an unhealthy label.

Don’t believe me? That’s fair.

Do you believe them?

Exploring Facebook Depression

Facebook Is Bad For Your Health

Rigorous Study Confirms Facebook is Bad for You

Does Facebook Make Us Unhappy?

How Facebook Makes Us Unhappy

The Anxiety Of Facebook

Facebook, Linked to Depression in Studies, Plans Expanded AI to Prevent Suicides

Facebook Lurking Makes You Miserable

Facebook Confirms it Tracks Mouse Movement

Still don’t believe them? How about Facebook itself?

Facebook Admits Social Media Can Harm Your Mental Health

I hope that would be enough proof for something we all really know deep down is true. As many studies have suggested, the Facebook epidemic has such strong similarities to drug abuse and food addiction. Both are generally known to be bad for you, but both are performed at will by their participant as though there are no repercussions. It’s sad, really. I mean, tragic even. If we won’t help ourselves by having and executing the knowledge of whats best and not best for us, what about others? Thats my concern.

Checkmate. What about our kids? What about the next generation of humans? Do they deserve attention? Or do they deserve your leftovers? Did they choose to be born to enslaved parents who hang on every noise their phone makes? Truth is, no one has any idea what the repercussions will be for such a vast social network simply because a company of Facebook’s caliber has never existed before. Beyond the obvious privacy concerns alone, we must be proactive in preserving our attention and time. Because if you take time and attention away, what more are we than slaves to the most attractive, eye dazzling distraction?

Kind of sounds like present times.

I’m under the belief our kids deserve more. They deserve more than second placers to fake highlight reels, “likes” and status updates. They deserve more than parents who are slaves to attention and self gloat. Most importantly, they deserve more than to inherit an enslaved life. They deserve to make that choice on their own. Lets pray they can make the right choice.

If you take nothing else from this post, please understand this simple concept: if you’re attention is what molds you, if you agree attention is your most valuable asset (because Facebook most def. does) then do your self a favor and from now on, treat your attention with respect.

Simply put: 15 years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Now, the real world is an escape from Facebook. That sounds like modern day slavery to me.

Solution: Delete Facebook.