nonnis at 7 – *ddileo

Transparency

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

When I was young and people used the word “strong” I would always think of armor, or something that had a lot of strength. Something that was solid, tough or even powerful, maybe. But as time has passed and experiences have taught me, that thought has actually proven to be false. Now, when I think of the word “strong” I picture a human who’s open and vulnerable, completely transparent and unapologetically honest. It’s odd how life and experiences change us. If we’re not open and true to ourselves we will inevitably chase our own tail in the dark with a forever dizziness. I headache that I can assure you is not pleasant.

I have long thought about the subject of the “real you.” Personally, I was confronted with the notion of not being true and honest with myself (and others) a couple years ago. I only got to that place because I knew I was horribly wrong in something I was doing. It’s a personal issue and I’m not quite ready to talk about that publicly yet. But I am most certainly ready to talk about what I learned/learning from it.

First and foremost, how does one know or come to the realization that you’re living a life of inauthenticity and what does that even mean? Well, honestly I can only speak for myself and my experiences. Looking back, the process started really slow. Actually in my case I wasn’t aware the process even began. I slowly morphed into someone i’m not. It’s frightening to think we could become something so distant from who we are without acknowledging its in progress.

I always wanted to please people and for the most part still do. But, when I was younger I would go unto great, great lengths to do this. I would stretch myself thin, I would go way above and beyond for anyone. To a stranger or someone judging from the outside, I assume that sounds fine. I’m sure it sounds like I was a nice person. But just like any other internal issue, when you just let something go and go, it spirals and spirals to the point of beyond recognition. That’s what I was turning into: beyond recognition.

Another element working against me was my parents were divorced. And by any means, if you are reading this and have divorced parents, in no way is that a death sentence, quite the opposite actually. But for me, it was not trivial. I learned to play the system. To play both sides. To again, agree with everyone. I learned to deceive, plot and scheme. But all of this was happening under the surface, you see. I didn’t have a daily planner of deception. But by the end of a period of time, I made a collection of bad habits.

The last thing that I think really hurt myself was making good amounts of money from age 16 – 22. It was legal. Most people by any accounts would say I was very successful and had a bright future (financially). Money is an interesting thing. Being young with so much of it made me turn my head to things. It made me not come face to face with bigger personal issues that were pending. I had the luxurious option to just throw money at issues to make them “go away.” And if I didn’t do that, I would just self define myself as someone better than others because of my financial status, furthering my deception of the real me. I’m not saying money is bad, but letting it define you certainly is unhealthy. I was burying myself with a shovel full of lies, images and things.

Nearly all of the resulting products of living a false life is lying. Or at least in my case it was. Wanting to please people really weighed much on my mind. A really easy way to do this was just lie. Tell people what they wanted to hear. It was simple, it didn’t hurt me (seemingly) and all was happy.

The problem that I started to encounter was not only was that turning me into a different person of no defined values, more importantly it made me think I wasn’t good enough. If I always needed to just say what people wanted to hear, subconsciously I was thinking, the truth wasn’t good enough and likewise, I wasn’t good enough.

Thinking you are not good enough is a really dangerous feeling if harbored uncontrollably and in my case, unknowingly. I promise, you will one day wake up in a world of fake that you created, maybe not on purpose and it will most certainly reach not only to you, but unfortunately to your loved ones as well.

It effects you:
How can it not effect you? You’re publishing a magazine that is supposed to be you but has an unknown, unaware writer, but you still want everyone to think its you. All of your wants and desires, your image you want to be perceived as; all lies. That’s an awful feeling. Trust me. I know from experience. And the deeper you go into the whirlwind of anonymity, the harder it is to claw your back.

It effects them:
In the beginning of our marriage, my wife often spoke of the 2 me’s. She mentioned how sometimes I’m here, and sometimes I’m not. All of course being physically present. She talks about when we first got married and all I did was “fit” her in my life. I made no sacrifices, no changes and expected her to do much of the heavy lifting. All of this while I was “perceiving everything was great.” You see, my lying and self deception even reached to my most loved people without me even knowing. That alone, was paramount enough for me to face this head on.

Why?
OK, so why the idea to write this. Im happy to report I am slowly on my way out of this but continue to grow and learn. I am nowhere near “fixed” but I’m present for the daily fight and that alone is a huge step for me. But talking to someone very close to my life recently made me realize that others suffer from the same condition as I was prisoner to. So, somewhere in my head I felt if I read something like this along the way, maybe that would have helped? I’m not sure? But this blog was established to be self therapeutic, so if nobody receives an inch of help from this, thats fine also. Because telling the truth never became easier for me, but the freedom the truth gives is an unwavering, liberating emotion that I continue to strive for.

How it gets better:
What I learned and am learning everyday is being honest starts with yourself. It’s OK to not be perfect. Looks or actions. Perfection is boring. Expectations (yours or others) are damaging, false pretenses that cause good, genuine people serious hurt and anxiety. Come to terms with whatever you are. That’s OK. However you look, be content. Your flaws don’t define you. Be accepting of them and know it’s OK.

Personally, I think Wreck it Ralph has the right idea:

http:/https://youtu.be/QlNHcP2g8Zs?t=18s

From what I’ve experienced, there is little to be gained in living a life of inauthenticity. Not only is it unfair to those around us, it is also unfair to you. Those who live honestly, recognizing and admitting their weaknesses and faults inspire others to do the same. And in the end, all that is gained is true and honest and strangely, surprisingly satisfying.

If you consider yourself molded by your surroundings, or a feel a huge weight of anxiety to “fit in.” Please take a step back and breathe. I’ve been there and sometimes, I’m still there. But you can do this, just like I can do this. Because being honest with yourself and others is being who God created you as, and it took a very long time for me realize that’s OK. Actually its better than OK, it’s perfectly fine.

Deep Thoughts, Life, Technology

The Haunting & Inevitable Future of Facebook

It’s no secret that technology is in constant change. If you’re not privy to this, do yourself justice and look around. 10 years ago nobody was face-planted into a 4 inch device, yet here we are. Technology is an extremely powerful outlet. It effects every aspect of our life, and whether you agree with it’s existence or not one thing is certain, technology is here to stay.

As a tech follower for sometime now, I have learned a few things that remain true. The most important aspect and guarantee you can take from the tech industry is: it won’t stay still. It’s here to progress. It has to. Because it’s customers do. New customers (age groups and demographics) bring new needs. Different trends spawn fresh redesigns and feature sets. Nothing in tech is by accident. This is an important fact to remember simply because we are the customer and we should be aware of what is trying to target us, our time and our priorities. We should enjoy the product to an extent but also be knowledgable of why it is doing what it is doing. For example: When google starts asking you why you are searching for something instead of just searching for you, that should raise a bright red flag.

The future of the tech world is of immense interest to me. I find it fascinating how culture shifts with plastic tech products. I am always thinking of what could come next. These answers aren’t hard to gather if you look closely and due diligence in research. Like I mentioned, Tech’s target is us. What do we want? Do we even know? Some companies think we do. Some think we don’t. But no other company as of recent has fascinated me more than Facebook. In my opinion, the most influential company in the world.

I guess it’s only fair if I tell you my personal relationship with Facebook. Consider the source right? I joined Facebook in 2006. Right as myspace was slowing down. It was actually quite fun at first. There wasn’t many people on, you basically friended your friends, which was nice. And the end result was a nice compartmentalization of your life, nice and neat. It wasn’t long before everyone came in and flooded the servers of Facebook. And personally, it just got to be too much for me. It was too much to control, too much content to take in intelligently and too overbearing. When a tech product starts to control me, I leave. And I did. Sure countless people asked me why and how it was dumb to leave. But as for me? I knew it was the right move personally.

Facebook did something really clever before I left though. They prompted a screen in the exit process. First off, they wouldn’t let me delete my account. Only to add that they knew best and they would intelligently “deactivate” my account. (RED FLAG #1). This didn’t seat well with me . Maybe to an uninformed regular human this doesn’t matter. But to me it meant I was still living on Facebook’s servers. Since there is no option, I had to agree and so I did. I would rather be “deactivated” on their servers than participating in the confused nonsense. What also bothered me and is the point of this post is what came next: The “don’t leave, your friends will miss you page.” (RED FLAG #2). Facebook intelligently took my closest (most interacted with) friends and placed them in JPEG holders and proudly stated “they” would miss me. As if they didn’t exist beyond my computer screen. As if they weren’t real people living in the real world.

As of present day, It almost feels like everyone is attending a party that I chose and continually choose not to attend. As an introvert, this kind of makes me feel good, but as a human being , I still peak in from time to time. Facebook is attractive. It gives you up to the second news feeds of people you seemingly care about and continually refreshes to birth a new stream of content at an exhausting rate. Although in print, that description probably seems crazy, in real life usage it actually works quite well and is extravagantly addictive.

Facebook as a company fascinates me. More so, Facebook’s future as a company is the most interesting future any tech company has to offer in my opinion. Not Apple, not Google, not Samsung, not Tesla, not Twitter but Facebook.

DISCLAIMER: I would like to run at a disclaimer at this point: I am not a shareholder of any Facebook stock. Besides Apple Inc, I don’t have any internal knowledge of future product roadmaps (hardware, software or services) of any tech company. Everything I am about to put on the table about Facebook’s future is completely speculative. But it should be stated that these are informed guesses from obtainable information that any individual can dig and find on the interwebs.

PAST

To look at Facebook’s possible future we first have to look at what Facebook is capable of. The best way to do this is to simply look at their past. This is a company that started at a small university level, a limited social network that grew like no company in the history of any industry in the terms of users and marketing profit margins. So to make a long story short, Facebook has set the gold standard for a rising startup. They quickly spread and grew across the world, flicking the switch in an obscene amount of time in a ridiculous amount of places.

They also are a company who is ran by a very smart man. Enter Marc Zuckerburg. Since Steve Jobs, the smartest man in technology in my opinion. We all know Zuck’s story. Its what every young college computer science major wants to do. Start a company, be a billionaire, change the world. But personally, I don’t think Zuckerburg wanted the first two nearly as bad as he wants to change the world. And he did it and he’s doing it now. But this article will focus on how he will continue to do it.

PRESENT

By the end of 2013, Facebook boasted 1.23bn monthly active users worldwide, adding 170m in just one year. According to Facebook, 757m users log on to Facebook daily, as of 31 December 2013. Maybe you didn’t get that because those numbers seem fairytale-ish. But 757 million user log in daily. Thats an extreme amount of people giving you information, Personal information as well as public.

As good as those numbers sound though Facebook is actually on the decline in the present day. Internally they are struggling to reach core demographics of teenagers believe it or not. Twitter is actually getting more and more teens by the day, Many analysts think this is because teens do not desire to be on the same social media outlet as their parents. So the problem for Facebook now is they have too many users and they are “sherlocking” their own product. Actually that is quite fascinating and funny all at the same time.

All of this success has not made Mark Zuckerburg ignorant though. He understands as well as anyone that revolutions come from below. A small start up could one day dethrone a big giant who is basking in their own success. The innovators dilemma – where you get so caught up in your own innovation you miss the next wave of real innovation. Zuckerburg knows this all to well and he is consistently on the look out for the next big thing. Take into account his three big recent purchases:

1. Instagram – A social networking photo service that works flawless and simple. PURCHASE PRICE: 1 BILLION
2. whatsapp – A multi-platform, worldwide messaging service that was highly successful for teenagers mostly in Europe. PURCHASE PRICE: 19 BILLION!
3. Oculus Rift – A virtual reality start up that was leading the charge in real time virtual reality creation. PURCHASE PRICE: 2 BILLION

Do you notice anything about those companies? They’re all about connecting. Here it is: Facebook is about connecting you with data, in a simple sentence we have just discovered Facebook’s mission statement. Data is their business. They collect everyone’s data and literally sell it to companies and then you will see smart ads pop up on the sidebar of your pages. Coincidentally with content of your interest. This is no coincidence .

FUTURE

You see the truth and future of Facebook is right in front of you and users hardly realize it. Your information, your tendencies, your likes and dislikes your time spent on and off. Your friends, your new friends your old friends, the friend you just unfriended, the boy or girlfriend you just broke things off with, your husband, your wife, your kids, your kid’s kids, your grandchildren, their friends and your pets. Are you getting the picture yet? They keep EVERYTHING logged and they use it to their advantage, literally. It’s their business to know you. Remember YOU are the reason they exist. And they take complete advantage of such information.

Lets fast forward now and take a look down the road:

APPS
Down the road Facebook will no doubt continue it’s mobile presence. They already are turning out new iOS apps almost weekly by some of the best designers in the industry. Mike Madas and Loren Brichter just to name a few. They have released (in addition to a new revamped official app):

1. Facebook Messenger
2. Instagram
3. Facebook Page Manager
4. whatsapp
5. Facebook Paper

These are all available on iOS platform, and you may think to yourself so what? But if you look even 2 years ago, none of these existed under Facebook’s authority except their official app. Its clear Facebook is making a huge push into mobile. But why?

They are working extremely hard to be mobile-only and they will certainly continue down that road because mobile is the future and Facebook needs to be there. And they will be. Thats where the users are. Thats where the data is.

HARDWARE
This is quite tricky actually. Facebook has attempted hardware in the past, most notably the HTC Facebook phone. As far as numbers show, the phone was introduced with subpar selling number and since HTC has halted production.

Facebook’s purchase of Oculus Rift is very interesting though. Oculus Rift is an actual headset you wear to turn your world into a virtual world. So is Facebook trying to make a Facebook headset you wear to create dystopia for you to live in? Im skeptical of that, but it can’t quite be put to bed either. The jury is still out on a hardware future for Facebook.

SERVICES
Ah, here is where I want to land. This is the backbone of Facebook. Internet Services, data consumption and “connecting” users. Surly, Facebook’s future depends on this. But how? How will they and Mark Zuckerburg ensure no small start up does something fresh and unique to make Facebook look like a dinosaur. Simple answer in my opinion; They use what they already have: “data.” Your data, my data, everyone’s data; living and dead. Yes, dead.

If you’ve made it this far then I applaud you bearing my ramblings. But at last, here is my prediction:

VIRTUAL IMMORTALITY

Facebook, one day will allow you to “connect” with dead people. I know this is a dark subject but please bear with me (for a little longer). Think about that as a feature and don’t be so naive to tell me its impossible. Consider these points:

A. No one can delete anything from Facebook’s servers. Ever.
B. We’ve already established they are data hoarders.
C. Their main source of income is information.
D. Their company goal is to “connect” people.

So don’t tell me they can’t. They most certainly can and most probably will. Facebook is a publicly traded company which means numbers matter. Profit and growth matter. What better way to make growth happen to keep users “active” after they die.

The idea of replicating a personality is quite interesting. Isn’t that what actors do? They get into a different mind set for each role they play. Well, why is Facebook any less capable? If anything (in theory) they’re much more capable. An actor has to go out and do many hours and days of research on his or her role. Facebook’s research is already done. You have already given them the data. They know your personality, they just have to mirror it.

Facebook can and will intelligently replicate you after your death. Keep your profile active and operating. Think of it. If a dear love one of your’s passes away but their Facebook profile stays and more than that, you can interact. Facebook has grown so intelligent in their data consumption and Ai intelligence that they can easily reproduce your likes, dislikes, tendencies, views, opinions, past experiences, memories, photos, videos etc. You see it is all at their disposal. And don’t be so naive to think the human mind can’t be replicated. Because in reality, their not attempting to replicate your brain. Their attempting and will succeed at replicating your personality.

Who wouldn’t want to do use that service. Who wouldn’t want to ask a dead loved one a question and get a real, intelligently generated response. Of course you would. The kicker would be the accuracy level. It would be immensely sharp. All the data they have stored can easily replicate a person because they already know everything about you. They already know your family, your vacations , your pictures, your videos, your ex girlfriends and boyfriends and your already passed relatives. Your political views, your religious views your opinions on everything from newborn babies to a funeral of close friend. They know you in many ways, in a better more organized manner than you know yourself.

It’s not that this doesn’t scare me. It truly does and I’m not sure why. It could be because were so far along in a tech familiar world that this would just be another feature set of Facebook. Another software update that people just tap “update.” We are extremely numb to things that make our life convenient, me included. Facebook knows this, any tech company knows this.

Which is more horrifically scary? That you can’t delete your account from Facebook, you can only deactivate? Or that in Facebook’s agreement that we all have accepted, they have the right to do whatever they want whenever they want with your information, your photos, etc. Basically paving the way for such a service. It’s almost too simple for them. Its scary world we live in. Not only outside your computer screen, but inside internet servers. Indeed, one day my son will be able to talk to me after I’m dead through the features of Facebook. I just hope I get around to making an updated Facebook account before I die. If not for me, to transcend my content from living to afterlife, from reality to digital. But then again what is reality and what isn’t? Ask Facebook and their answer may surprise you.

Deep Thoughts, Family, Life, Memories of Nonni

Mickey & Mike

Mickey and Mike are my two cousins. Both are very special to me and both are without question great people. How I came to be close with them are two very different stories. But when we were close, (the span of 4 years) it was a bond that was very special and unique on all levels. You may recognize their names. I’ve mentioned them before. They are indeed my cousins who went and spent time at Nonni’s on sundays. But thats not where this story began. The story began with a book cover. It ends with content.

It was at my cousin Victoria’s (Mickey’s sister) birthday party which me and Mike first got close. Mickey and I always had a closeness because of our age. But Mike and I never really connected because of the 10 year gap. The party was a great time. It occurred at a more innocent time in my families timeline. Currently that side of my family tragically avoids each other and celebrates family milestones in an isolated fashion, but at this time everyone was just playing their usual role in the family. Everyone got along enough to be in the same room. It was great. I overheard Mike talking about film. I never knew Mike was into movies and such. We talked a little at that party and we had sort of an unsaid, natural closeness. I also overheard Mike talking about how he needed a haircut. I told him without question I would do his hair as one night after work. He came and again the conversation flourished, from the barber chair to the parking lot something was happening. Something new, yet something genuine.

It was a click moment in my life. Here was someone who I knew my entire life, who was always around but suddenly was turned into everything I admired in a blink of an eye. I couldn’t believe that A.) he talked and thought about films the way I did and B.) he actually cared about what I had to say. Mike has a calm, comfort to him. He listens to you talk and very, very rarely talks about himself. A trait I wish I had. After that talk in the parking lot things were different for me. I had a new friend. More astonishingly, it seemed he had one too.

After a little while of phone convos, Mike proposed the idea of heading to Nonni’s to fix a light for her, that was actually the first Nonni’s visit, but we started to make it a weekly thing. After a little bit Mickey caught wind and starting showing up and we sort of just formed a unit, a strong one. Mickey and Mike had got along cordially, kind of like Mike and I. But they shared similarities. They were both very interested and involved with music and the creation of it. They had a strong connection with arts and past experiences. The unit was forming with energy leading us. I don’t think any of us forced anything. It all happened so naturally.

Mickey is different from Mike in many ways though. Whereas Mike has “strong” image in my opinion, Mickey had a gentleness about him that came off as a very innocent energy. You got the feeling being around him that he was never going to be controversial and always would support your feelings on matters. Mickey had/has a big heart and in my opinion displays it in a soothing yet comfortable way. Mickey and I grew up together, we basically stayed at Nonni’s all our early summer days until we were in High School. We played Mortal Kombat (physically, not video games) We imagined our own companies, we went to the park with Nonni and played baseball. We did all sorts of fun stuff but most importantly, we connected on a deep level at young age. It solidified us a friends, not just cousins. Connections happened with Mickey and Mike in my life, just at different times. It was hard to see all of our little connections until the 3 of us combined to make a friendship. It seemed like fragments of rivers winding aimlessly until spilling into a vast ocean.

In the beginning of our hanging out, much weighed on Nonni’s. We met there every Sunday and things were cool. I found myself looking forward to seeing them and catching up on the week. Sunday after sunday we would meet and every time we would learn and feel out a little bit more about each other. We would start to have little running jokes and familiarities in conversations that were never there. It was so interesting to me. These people were around my entire life yet now, just now I am letting them into mine and learning so much more than the cover of a book. Soon, just meeting at Nonni’s wouldn’t be enough. We started to go to the movies every Sunday night after Nonni’s house. Sure the movies were great, but the magic happened after. Long conversations in the parking lot ensued while we learned more and more about one another. Like newly realized strangers, we were shocked at what we thought about each other and we were enthralled to learn new elements of each other’s life for the first time. Every sunday for me, was a new chapter to the most excited book I ever read. It was a page turner.

The 3 of us also conversed about so much more than we could ever imagine. Relationship issues. Past experiences, what we’d learned. What we wouldn’t be doing again. What we wanted to do again. It was truly a cathartic experience for myself. I could honestly say I learned how to “comfortably” just be myself around them. I didn’t need to put up a front. They enjoyed my company for who I was and I appreciated that. It made me feel “OK” to be me. I hope they would say I gave off that same energy to them. It was such pleasurable experience to be in their presence.

Sometimes writing characteristics of people just doesn’t quite get the job done, so i’ve thought very hard of memories I have of us to really portray these amazing people and hopefully add some vibrancy and life to their portrayal displayed here. There are three memories that I believe are very telling and an accurate picture about us and our relationships. 1 of Mike, 1 Mickey and 1 of all of us:

MEMORY 1 – Unselfishness of Mickey
I filmed my movie in mid 2008. Mickey’s home was the main set piece for the filming and even I didn’t realize how obtrusive filming would be. It was encompassing on us, never mind Mickey’s family who basically traded their house for a film set for 40 early mornings and 40 very late nights. Mickey wasn’t hired to do anything besides be patient (which he was). Early in the filming, it was clear I didn’t have the right man power for the crew. Mickey somewhat picked up on this and quietly, in a humbling manner just began to help. He wasn’t looking for rewards, he wasn’t doing anything to get noticed. He plainly witnessed someone he loved in need, and he delivered. I figured it was a one day thing and I was thankful. But day after day, he made my movie a priority in his life. In other words, he made something I cared about mean a great deal to him. He didn’t have too, and that was the point. That was Mickey in a nutshell. Quietly helping behind the scenes when no one asks. He’s got huge heart and the remarkable aspect of it is; he’s unaware of just how unselfish he is.

MEMORY 2 – Kindness & Thoughtfulness of Mike
Mickey unfortunately had the inevitable happen to him. His girlfriend of multiple years broke things off after she entered college. It took a month longer than Mike and I predicted (october). Well, Mickey has a kind heart and really had super strong feeling for this girl. It wasn’t hard to see what was going to happen. It was unfortunate but a ticking clock, nonetheless. Sure enough Mike called me on a Saturday and said simply “Mickey’s a mess.” “Say no more” I responded. It was like our trio bat light in the sky was shining. Mike came to the salon and Mickey followed. I will be hard pressed to forget such a night. Mike sat for hours and hours at the salon literally until early morning giving Mickey advice on how to handle things. It was an act of amazing trust on one side and unparalleled kindness on the other. I sat back and watched in complete awe. 2 people completely in the moment. Mickey called, Mike responded. I had the extreme pleasure to observe such thoughtfulness from Mike. He cared immensely for Mickey and you could clearly see, it hurt Mike to see Mickey hurt.

MEMORY 3 – Something Real
When our Nonni ultimately ended up in the hospital for the final time, it was unfortunately in the midst of our families internal warfare. People who avoided each other (and Nonni) purposely were sort of forced to come and be around one another. They felt a need of some sort I guess. I’ll never forget that feeling that everyone was there to make up for lost time with Nonni. It felt so fake to me. So manufactured. I bad situation I admit. But in the middle of all that I beheld a sight I will never forget. My big, loud Italian family conversing with one another barely being able to look each other in the eye and across the room I see Mike and Mickey just talking, even laughing. Doing what we did. Enjoying each other’s company. We left nothing on the table. Especially with Nonni, but even more so with ourselves. We were all genuine in our feelings for one another. What more can someone ask for? In a time were everyone was playing the role of life, we weren’t “playing” anything. We had something real. We had a bond that didn’t require a death in the family to mend.

Mickey and Mike weren’t obligated to be anything but cousins to me. There was no script for us to follow. Events didn’t have to happen. But they did. Not a day goes by I’m not genuinely thankful for friends like them and the experiences we shared together. I realize many people go their entire lives without such relationships. I take nothing for granted. Every Sunday at Nonni’s, I knew something special was happening. Every time Mickey, Mike and I were planning something, I knew it would be for the ages. I knew these memories were what mattered and I had a feeling they did too.

The reason the Mickey and Mike time in my life was so profound, so special and most of all, so inspiring is something I have pondered for a very long time. I recently came up with an answer. A simple answer. I guess the only way to put this may be in an example: Picture someone in your life that you see everyday but don’t talk to. Now, think of what your thoughts are on that person. No doubt, you have an opinion. Sure you do, we’re pro’s at that. Then finally, one day go talk to them. Let them filled your skewed, perceived book covers with pages of freshness and breath life into it. The simple truth is actually really simple with Mickey and Mike. If Nonni’s never happened I fear to say they would still be book covers to me. Sure we would see each other at family parties and such. And sure, maybe their content grew clearer as time ticks along, after all they are family. But that directly strikes my point. I was “supposed” to be close to these two special people. But I wasn’t and I never knew I wasn’t till I got close enough to see who they really were and are. Two special people who hold a permanent spot in my life and heart. Our time we grew close was magical to me. No other word comes close. I love them very much.