Sometimes the worst situations bring out the best in people. Traveling across the country for my Grandfather’s funeral has shed light on some things; people are good and having a close family unit is priceless. In the hardest times, a loving, supporting family sticks together.
My recent trip back home wasn’t ideal. I saw loving faces and made memories but a sad occasion brought all of my family together. I first received news my Grandfather wasn’t doing well while on vacation at Disney World. An odd place to find out tragic news to say the least. Luckily, I was with good friends that made the trip as enjoyable as situationally possible. But, his well being laid heavily on my mind.
Once Lindsey and I got home from Disney, it wasn’t long before we received unfortunate news. Papa passed away. I never have gotten used to that ‘quick switch’ moment you experience when a loved one passes; one second they’re here, the next they’re gone.
I love going home to see my family. It sort of acts as a breath of fresh air. A reminder of who I am and where I’m from. But, this trip was understandably going to be difficult.
Before the trip even started I felt a sense of overwhelming stress. It’s hard to explain really. I’ve never been so overcome with thoughts and emotion that I couldn’t function, but honestly I was feeling hints. Lindsey was absolutely amazing. She took care of booking the trip and genuinely carrying any load needed until we were on a plane. She was a rockstar.
When my Papa’s health started failing him a few years back I made the decision that I wanted Liam to make the trip for Papa’s services. I knew my family would really appreciate seeing him. I knew much needed Mommy, Daddy, Liam time would occur. Also I knew he is at an age where he will remember and soak up this experience. So I was super happy Liam joined Lindsey and I up to Connecticut.
When we arrived my brother and his wife, Urszela picked us up from JFK. On a side note, JFK was desolate and empty. I was waiting for tumbleweeds to slide gracefully across the empty terminal. Seeing my brother and driving home with him immediately put me back in the CT mind-state. Lindsey always mentions how I am different in CT and I never really know what she means. I think I understand now. It’s like putting someone in their natural environment. I always feel comfortable and at ease in CT. Anyways after a late night stop at Darian’s rest stop, we spent the night at my dads.
The next morning we ate breakfast, Liam and I played some basketball with my Dad and then headed off to my mom’s. The weather really was magnificent all trip; Low 70’s and breezy. What else could you ask for? The nights were even hitting the 40’s. A welcomed surprise for sure. We got to my moms and I was relieved to see all was the same when I left it last. That may seem odd. But leaving home is tough and coming back to familiarity is comforting.
Our first day at mom’s only had 1 event scheduled. Apparently my family were all getting together every night since my Grandfather’s passing and eating at different houses. This particular night my Mom was hosting. I gently asked if pizza would be present, and my Mom informed me that it wasn’t on the menu. Lindsey and I love this local pizza place called ‘Vitos.’ So we swung by there to pick up their famous Garlic and Broccoli. Still delicious.
Being at my Mom’s the first full day was great. It was really nice because it gave me a chance to see everyone immediately. Like I said, tough occasion for getting together. But I was really thankful to see everyone again.
The next day was the wake. Services didn’t start until 4pm. While our primary reason for being in CT was family and Papa’s funeral, Lindsey and I had a window to relive some of our favorite spots, so we took it. We left the house on a crispy, breezy fall morning and ventured out to my favorite place in the world; Northwest, CT. We drove to Averill Farms and got apple cider donuts and freshly made cider. Then drove through the back roads of Litchfield through Torrington to see our old condo. Then to Canton to eat an early lunch at Flatbread Co. Flatbraed is this amazing place where all their ingredients come from local farms and they cook only with an open, wood-fired pit. An amazing morning to say the least. It truly is magical how seeing old places can give you a feeling of renewed spirit.
We arrived home and had just enough time to get ready for the Papa’s wake.
The wake wasn’t as bad as I expected. My family, for the most part, was in good spirits. The turnout was very large. Even with COVID protocols in place. Papa looked rested. He was engulfed with beautiful flowers surrounding him. One of his favorite things was UConn basketball. So a large presence of UConn colored arrangements were there. Also pictures of family were in his casket and all around. It was a sweet atmosphere created by my Mom, Aunt Judy and Aunt Chris. They loved him very much and it showed in their attention to detail.
After the wake we went over to my Grandma’s and had a light dinner. Even there it struck me how close knit we all are. I really took this for granted for a long time. Being away makes things clearer in ways. This is one of them. If I never realized it before, I did now. I have an amazing family that have each other’s backs and genuinely loves and cares for one another.
A word about Lindsey in Connecticut…
I can’t state accurately enough how great she was. She constantly was asking what she could do. How she could help. She was going out of her way to make anyone’s life easier. I was so proud to call her my wife. I mean I always am. But, she was so extremely thoughtful and considerate on this trip. I will never forget that.
Our last day there was the funeral. Notably, this was a more somber event. My family was much more quiet and reserved. I was feeling really choked up the entire day, myself. We got to the funeral home around 9am to pay our last respects. I was selected as a pallbearer so my brother, cousins and I drove in a limo together from the funeral home to the church.
At one point in route, I remember thinking this is what life is all about. Being with special people in your life in both, the hard and good times. Sure, we haven’t seen each other in a while, but none of that mattered. There is a closeness present that no one can explain. Any close family has it.
The church gave a respectful service. I learned a lot about my Grandfather during my Aunt Chris’s eulogy. I learned he was a founding member of that particular church, I learned he was awarded an older workers award from the Senator a few years back. Amazing information that a humble man, such as my Grandfather, would never tell you. My aunt Chris did a tremendous job with the eulogy. Though I was being considered to write it early on, I could have never done as concise or accurate portrayal of papa as Aunt Chris did.
After church the pallbearers again hopped in the limo and drove to the cemetery for Papa’s final resting place. The location is beautiful. It’s on a hill overlooking the city of Waterbury. Towards the end of his life, my Grandfather worked as a limo driver for local funeral homes. As a touching final goodbye, the directors from all the major funeral homes where present and rested their gloves on the casket of my Grandfather. It was amazingly moving.
I let Liam and Lindsey place a rose on the casket. That was the moment; the single moment where I knew Papa would be proud of what I have become. I’m nothing special. But I try to emulate his gentleness and kindness through my life and family. I know he loved Lindsey and Liam immensely and I know he would be proud of our family.
We left and once again met as a family at my Papa’s favorite restaurant; ‘The Manor Inn.’ There, I again had the same feelings of gratefulness and appreciation for such a close and caring family.
The absolute ironic part of having a close family like we have is that it started with leadership. It started at the top. It started with my Grandfather; an exceptional man who’s life examples and lessons echoes in my mind forever as priceless memories.
My grandpa was a lot of things to a lot of people. He was a friend to many, a husband, a father, a brother, a grandfather, a great grandfather. He also was the embodiment of a kind and gentle human being who led by example. He didn’t strive to be loud or heard, but his presence was more than sufficient to leave an impact.
In the book of Ephesians, Paul lists the characteristics of a loving human filled with the spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Long-suffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness and Temperance. The world today is seriously lacking all of those characteristics. But my Papa’s life displayed not only the traits of a loving husband and father but the blueprint of how to achieve such.
If Papa wanted me to learn anything from his life I truly believe it was this… You don’t always have to be the loudest in the room. You don’t have to drive the fanciest cars or have the nicest things. You don’t have to have a flashy personality or have the spotlight directly on you. He never did or cared for such accomplishments.
What you do have to do though, is love your family with all of you. Sacrifice daily so loved ones can get ahead. Be an amazing listener and care for others more than yourself.
Papa’s greatest lesson he ever taught was soft, quiet whispers of examples. He was as strong as he was quiet. He was as loving as he was gentle. He was an amazing leader and the embodiment of a man who was utterly secure in his ways and unparalleled at being gracious and selfless to his loved ones.
I am forever blessed and thankful to call Papa my teacher, my example and simply my grandfather. They say you can’t pick family. But God gave my family the best Grandfather anyone could possibly ask for.
I love you Papa. I will miss you more than I know how to describe. But rest assured, that your ways of kindness and selflessness will continue to live on through myself and my family. We are honored and forever grateful to have felt your love and warmth in our lives.
ddileo 