Life – Page 8 – *ddileo

Attention as a Resource

The other night I had a dream. It was vivid, inspiring and downright admirable. Sometimes my dreams are so far in fantasy that I know I’m dreaming. That has to sound weird but it’s the honest to God truth. This particular dream was so soaked in reality, confusion wouldn’t begin to describe my emotions. I woke up realizing the unfortunate truth. This was only a dream.

I had a dream of a world where people can sit through long, dull conversations, without feeling the need to douse themselves with instant-gratification delivered through glowing plastic screens.

I had a dream of a world where people were aware of not only their own limited attention, but the precious attention of others and wouldn’t start texting in a movie theatre, totally killing the mood of a dramatic scene.

I had a dream where our devices would be comfortably allotted as the occasional supplement to our lives, and not used as a poor replacement for them. Where people would recognize that the constant and instantaneous delivery of information has subtle costs associated with it, as well as its more obvious benefits.

I had a dream of a world where people would become aware of their own attention as an important resource, something to be cultivated and renewed, to be built and cherished, the same way they take care of their bodies or their education. And this new cultivation of their own attention would have oddly set them free. Not just free from the screens, but free from their own unconscious impulses.

I had a dream where respect for attention would extend to the world around them, to their friends and family and the acknowledgment that the inability to focus is not only harmful to oneself, but harmful to one’s relationships and ability to hold and maintain intimacy with someone.

If all this really happened, if all this was real, we would let freedom ring, from every village and every county, from every state and every city, we would have been able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, would have been able to join hands and sing “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we’re free at last!”

Maybe somewhere in the world, humans act like this. Hey – a guy can dream, right?

Yes, this was my dream. But i’m awake now. Its very clear smartphones have just about taken our full attention. Myself included. You could call this a dark outlook. I unfortunately call it reality.

Truth is every human has an ongoing war with their attention. Whether they know it or not, their attention is in high, high demand. Until we can start thinking about and treating our attention as a resource – a limited resource at that – we are all in very big trouble.

Family, Life, One Day at a Time

Starting Liam’s Summer Schedule!

Summer break is upon us! Today was the first day Liam’s schedule was put to the test. I am happy to report all went well! I was a little nervous about the time blocks and if I spaced everything correctly, but for the most part the day went smooth. More importantly, Liam seemed to enjoy it.

A surprise take away from today: Liam’s behavior was very good. Like, better than usual. He’s never a bad kid by any means, but he certainly has his moments, especially when we’re cooped up in the house. But today, he was a great listener and respectful all throughout the day. I came to a very early conclusion that this was totally based on attention given.

Today, the schedule structured the day around him. I think he felt that and responded in a good way. Although attention was still equally distributed to Liam and Luca. But it felt much more so on Liam because each part of the day was tending to him. Of course, this theory could all fall apart tomorrow, but I’m going with it for now.

Here is the schedule:

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As you see from the pic, thats the schedule I settled on. I was little worried about some aspects though, I still want him to feel like he’s on summer break and his days be fun, but I don’t want him to think the whole day is a free for all. I hope it’s a good balance and he has plenty of time for fun and free time.

Let me take some time to explain and breakdown why I chose these specific events:

• Breakfast and Brush Teeth – Liam always has a hard time “remembering” to brush his teeth. What he doesn’t have a hard time remembering is eating breakfast, (its about the only words he could get out of his mouth in the early mornings.) So I decided to combine these 2 events. No excuses anymore Mr. Liam.

• Chores – A big one for us. We really wanted to instill responsibility for Liam this summer. I thought he was a tad bit young to handle a bunch of chores. I also didn’t want his day bogged down with work. So this was a good start I thought. We made him responsible for the 2 rooms he uses most, his bathroom and his bedroom.

• Outside Time – This was a no brainer for me and if we didn’t live in unbelievably scorching heat, we would be outside all day. Outside time is simple, go outside (early in the day) and do whatever. No rules except no hospital trips.

• Bible Lesson – I’ve always wanted to spend more time with Liam in the bible. The summer enables this for us. I’m not teaching anything extremely deep (nor do I know anything extremely deep), but we cover the popular stories and maybe some not so popular. I implemented a section at the end of Bible Lesson called “question time.” Where Liam could ask any question he wants pertaining to what we just learned. Question time was a big hit on day 1.

• Play Time – A little break in the kinda busy morning. It actually served well today. It was a nice break for everyone. Also it gives me a buffer if I want to make lunch for the kids before 12. We had a little trouble today with understanding Play Time doesn’t involve TV. A couple bumps in the road. Thats ok.

• Lunch – Self explanatory except maybe some days we’ll go to special places. But most of the time it will involve getting out of the house and picking up some food from a drive thru. Not the healthiest option, but Liam loves picking places to go.

• TV Time – Liam’s time to watch whatever (per my approval) he wants on the TV. This doubles as time for Luca to take a nap and me to either chill out or write a little. Its 2 hours because, well its summer. Give me a break.

• School Lesson – One of the main reason I wanted to do a schedule for Liam the summer was to keep him connected to school things and keep his mind working. To not mentally check out essentially. I wondered how I could do an effective school lessons in the summer, though. I tried taking some of Liam’s homework throughout the year and after he was completely finished, erasing the paper and making digital copies. That seemed to work really well. I have about 20 pages of copies of homework sheets. So School Lesson involves 2 of those sheets per day and his reading book.

• Free Time – If, and I stress IF, Liam was a good boy and did a good job on both lesson times, then he can use free time to do whatever he wants, inside or out. Free time pretty much goes on until mommy gets home around 5.

So thats the rundown. Obviously, this is all early days, 1.0 software stuff. I guess I will see how this works and maneuver the schedule accordingly. But for now i’m sticking with it and hoping for the best as I walk the thin line between daddy and drill sergeant. Mental Note: more daddy, less drill sergeant.

Any ways, what was the point of this post? Oh ya…Day 1 over!

Happy Summer time!

Family, Life, One Day at a Time

Liam, the Graduate

I remember my first time dropping off Liam at K-3. To be completely honest, I was uncomfortable for a few reasons. Leaving him all by himself, with a bunch of kids he never met before. I was worried how the other kids were going to treat him. Looking back, I just didn’t want him to be scared or feel lonely. The memory of leaving him that day and just parking near the school for a half-hour has never left me.

We’ve come a long way, fast forward 3 years and here we are; Liam’s K-5 Graduation day. Sure, he’s had his struggles, but also triumphs. He’s come home stumped by his homework, only for him to work hard at it and overcome. He’s excitedly prepared for weeks in advance for his “Show and Tell” days. He’s had to deal with the struggles of having major allergies to common foods and watch his friends eat foods he couldn’t on a regular basis. He’s had to work extremely hard on his day to day behavior and has made great improvements. You name it, he’s gone through it in the past 3 years.

Liam’s learned so much in his time in Kindergarten. To list a few: coloring, recognizing shapes, reading, writing, writing in cursive, writing numbers, learning to count with fingers then counting from 1 to 100, learning bible stories, understanding how to tell time on a clock. Thats just the school side of things. On the personality side; learning to play with others, sharing toys and thoughts, letting people talk and having a conversation. Being nice to friends, showing respect to teachers. I also think school has made him a better big brother. Ever since he started K-5, he has been significantly friendlier to his little brother Luca. That’s been great to see.

Going back to what I was originally saying, I was nervous when he started. I guess thats just being a parent or guardian. But looking back, i’m not sure why I ever doubted Liam. He is a young boy with amazing perseverance. Truth is, whatever challenge Liam has had in his short life, he’s overcome and continues on.

Congratulations little buddy! You earned every bit of graduating Kindergarden. In your future, challenges will await, but you will overcome. If the past has taught me anything; you will continue to make your mother and I proud with your big heart and caring demeanor. Congrats on this super great day! We love you.

Life, One Day at a Time

West Mims Fire

My days have been turned upside down as of late. I know I mentioned a few weeks ago the fire blazing through Okefonokee Swamp, but now I have a much more hands on feel for it.

My Battalion Chief informed our whole shift that we would be swapping days and going down to the West Mims fire to help with structure protection. I was kind of surprised because earlier talks suggested we would not be making the trip. But, to the front lines we went.

I have been down twice for 2, 12 hour shifts as of typing this and it has been quite the experience. I’ve been a firefighter for 3 years now, I’ve seen a decent amount of events. Many house fires, car fires, intense medical calls and calls I wish I could erase from my memory. But, this is a whole different beast.

First you have to understand what were doing. Basically, we go to a staging area where everyone is, then wait for our “assignment.” Command will tell us where to go and then we make way there. Usually it’s a house or a few houses in the middle of nowhere. We arrive, we park in such a way that we could escape easily if things go bad fast and then just wait. Wait for fire.

Waiting really eats up the majority of our time. But its never a comfortable wait. There is always an eerie feeling like conditions can change in a moments notice. It’s quite the experience. Hurry up and wait. But waiting for a fire is never pleasant, as you could imagine.

I am unsure how long our stay at the West Mims fire will last, but I am learning a lot and getting a ton of experience. I hate it that all these people were forced to evacuate from their lives, though. The town of St. George, GA has been nothing but great to all the firefighters. They have offered free everything to everyone.

Hopefully this is over soon, but in the meantime I’ll be out there doing my small part in this huge effort.

Life, One Day at a Time

Political Differences

We live in a time of division and strife. It’s not hard to see how divided as a nation we are. Some say it’s the most divided we have ever been. I don’t know, I can’t speak to that. I do know its pretty bad, though. The foundation of that thick division is political difference. The United States of America is by definition a country of differences, we all come from different walks of life, different backgrounds, dissimilar upbringings. But we work it out as a nation. Because unlike any other country in the world, we have a working democracy that our forefathers were wise enough to instill.

Tonight Lindsey and I had a “discussion” about some of our political differences. There no reason to beat around the bush; we have many. Like, many. But for the most part we talked about it like humans and at the very least, we could understand where the other was coming from, I think. How we feel and why we felt that way.

Admittedly and admiringly, Lindsey is much smarter than me. Anyone who knows us knows that. I tend to express my stance through gut feelings. She is much more a fact driven, standards-minding person. I could respect that. I’ve always admired her patriotism. In many ways, I wish this was instilled in me also. I bring this up because no matter our political differences, we still manage to attempt to understand and respect one another.

It brings me great pain to conclude our country doesn’t regard either of those traits. We have zero tolerance for others and we want them to understand us. We have zero respect for someone who believes differently than ourselves, but we don’t try to understand, we lash out.

Yes, indeed. It’s a sad state our country is in. But late at night when its quiet and I’m thinking about these kind of things, I like to believe our country is made up of people like Lindsey and I. People we respect each other regardless of opinions politically charged or otherwise. I think Lindsey and I work because, we love each other as humans first, not policy first. We love and admire each other because of our characteristics as humans.

If our country is to get any better with understanding each other, we first have to look at others as humans and admire their characteristics. Humans aren’t walking political policies, we shouldn’t treat them as such. In the wise words of Rand Paul: “I would never vote for a bill without reading it.” I charge you, should you really judge a person without getting to know them?

I’m glad Lindsey didn’t.

Life, One Day at a Time

Beach Getaway

Lindsey has had awful toothaches recently, resulting in a root canal performed today. The last few nights have been literally unbearable for her. Its been tough to watcher suffer, especially when I can’t help. Thankfully she is feeling much better now. Any ways, she was home from work for about half the day because of her procedure. So around 4 pm I told Liam to go get some shorts on and informed him we were off to a secret location.

Ever since we watched ‘Moana’ the other day, I’ve had the beach on my mind. Luca is still a little too small to bring with, but since Linds was home it was a perfect opportunity to spend some much needed time with Liam.

Beach Getaway! On the way down Liam suggested some Moana music. It was pretty fantastic driving windows down with Moana music at loud volumes. I mean he enjoyed it… I was just along for the ride.

We drove our car on the beach ( I don’t have a permit but was told by a former NY’er now Amelia Island resident, “they never check, don’t worry about it.”) Good enough for me. Liam got a kick out of it. He kept wanting me to drive in the water.

From having a catch with a tennis ball to tracing our names in the sand, playing baseball and going for a long walk, it was a great time. Six year olds need to just run around and act crazy, it was really nice to let Liam let loose and enjoy himself.

It hit me driving back that who knows what memories Liam will retain as he gets older. I mean really, there’s no way of knowing. For Myself, you would think the “big” moments would be stickier than others, and some are. But the little getaways, conversations and life lessons from my mom and dad have stuck with me more than anything.

I hope he had a great time today, but I pray even more; Lindsey and I could give him something money can’t buy. Maybe, like a special memory or 2. He’s a very special little guy, I hope we’re half as special as parents.

Liam and his tennis ball enjoying the beach today

Life, One Day at a Time

Fire in the Sky

There has been an ominous feeling in the air the past few days. If you haven’t been up on weather news in southeast America, the West Mims wildland fire is still roaring about. As of this minute, the blaze has scorched 49,000 acres. Mostly contained in the Okefonokee Swamp, we here in Kingsland, GA have had eerie like conditions the past 48 hours.

Hazy smoke in the air, the smell of a fresh structure fire and small ashes gracefully dropping down to the ground. I must say growing up and living 27 years of my life in Connecticut, I am more than used to bad weather and atmosphere. Of course, that would all fall in the category of snow. But down here, is a whole other ballgame. Hurricanes, Wildland fires, a couple tornado warnings since we’ve moved. South Georgia has proven thus far to be a super hazardous area for weather.

But I like feeling the calm before the storm. I look for opportunities to be out experiencing it. For whatever reason, I feel a closeness with the energy it gives off. So around 8 tonight, I took one look out the window and got that cozy, windy weather feeling. I grabbed Little Luca, strapped him in his stroller and there we were, out on a walk under the pinkish, smokey sky. It was quite memorable to say the least. Just quiet in the air, no talking. He was very calm and enjoying the subtle breeze, as was I.

I’m unsure what the status is w/ the West Mims fire, but I hope they are starting to get a leg up on things. Looking at the map, the head of the fire is not moving towards our home at all. So, I’m thankful for that. It is intact heading towards where I work. The guys have been saying “no way it reaches us.” So I take them at their word and experience. As for the residents affected, I hope they heed the fire officials directions. Most don’t believe it or not.

I am also keeping all those Wildland firefighters in my prayers. They don’t get enough attention for the risks they take. Just Youtube Fire Tornado, that’ll help you understand what these guys are dealing with.

Life, One Day at a Time

The Unrealistic Expectation of Quality Time

Liam and I played a challenging game of Connect 4 today. It was awesome, and I could tell he really enjoyed playing. But, in the middle of dropping plastic discs into a grid I couldn’t shake thinking about the idea of quality time and how our society has taught us to define it.

Quality time is something I want to mentally invest in. I want to be spending time with family, loved ones, etc. But recently, when I rewind my mind to moments passed, I can’t for the life of me figure out if the time I spend involves any quality, or if it does, does my idea of quality time meet expectation?

Some would say, just being around someone is quality time. And over a length of period, time together builds relationships. I’m inclined to believe that, and take it at face value. But something inside me thinks to earn the merits of “Quality,” something special has to occur. I wonder about these types of things. Am I doing all I can to be a great Dad/Husband? What could I be doing more? What I am not doing enough of? It can be overwhelming at times.

I think the culture and marketing of lifestyle in America has pumped supremely unrealistic expectations of time and quality time into our brains . I think as a whole, they strongly have mixed possessions and spending time together successfully to make you feel inferior if you can’t achieve both.

By their standards you will need the following: A big house, 2 nice cars, fashionable clothes, 2 to 3 vacations a year, up to date technology and a big savings account – all the while of course, spending quality time with your family. If you’re not that family in the “Sandals” commercial, something is off.

If you have the luxury of this situation, then more power to you. I don’t begrudge you one bit. The issue I take is with the angle of: if you don’t have all of this, something is wrong. Thats a dangerous message that subconsciously injures and divides.

Sure, I struggle with identifying quality time vs. time. And the more I think about it, maybe “quality” time is defined by the person present, not by some universal law. But I most certainly don’t and won’t confuse quality time with the acquiring of possessions. If ‘things’ are the only thing that make us happy, the machine has won and old fashioned quality time has diminished more.

Quality time isn’t a bullet point on a list, I believe it’s essential for childhood development and adult health. We can have both: possessions and quality time, but if you have to choose, choose the one money can’t buy.

I’ll choose playing Connect 4 and watching my son enjoy himself over trying to one up the Sandals commercial any day of the week.

Life, One Day at a Time

Moana = Medicine for Happy

Tonight was a low key family night. Liam and I worked on the backyard in the staggering heat and after Liam’s bubble bath and my shower, Lindsey and I decided to order some pizza and make it a movie night.

Moana has been a film on our watch list for a long time. For whatever reason, its been pushed back and pushed back. Tonight was the night. As you might imagine, I have some thoughts:

“Moana” reminded me of why I loved Disney the way I used to. When it wasn’t bringing back memories of some of my favorite works of theirs through tons of similar visual cues, gags, and designs, it was simply making me happy

I was happy I was there. I was happy I was watching this. I was happy that a movie like this can still exist in a time full of hate, disappointment, and genuine disgust. I was happy that a musical could be one without shame, or need to go along the lines of filling in the blanks with whatever people are listening too. But it can be something I can call a musical and not just a movie that features people singing from time to time.

“Moana” goes the route of having the regular amount of songs typically found in most Disney films (putting around 5 or 6 in total, though I could be wrong), but uses them as a means of expressing characters and story elements without it ever feeling like it cuts out before it reaches its peak.

Most of the songs themselves aren’t as memorable as others, but man, as much as I could complain about that, when they showed up, I could NOT stop myself from having a great time and feeling happy.

And in fact, I think that sums up the my experience with this perfectly. I know for a fact I could find plenty to complain about, like how there’s less of a focus of Moana’s family once she sets out to sea, even though it took up a good twenty or so minutes of the film, or how the third act tends to feel a bit run of the mill. But, I just don’t want to.

For as much as I could harp on those elements, I could spend an equal amount of time talking about the beautiful colors and animation “Moana” showcases from frame one. Something I noticed about the three main Disney Princess movies of the last 6 years (“Tangled”, “Frozen”, “Moana”), is that each tend to have a distinct use of specific colors.

*Speculation time*

With “Tangled,” it was Gold and Purple. With “Frozen”, it was White and Shades of Light Blue. And with “Moana”, it’s shimmering Greens and Blues. Every time there’s a shot of an island or of the ocean, your eyes are always brought back to the color and what shapes they’re taking forms of.

*Speculation time over*

I don’t know about you, but I grew up with these type of movies, these animation styles, these types of songs, characters, so on and so forth. So to see the people who made it come back to the big screen for the first time in over five years and make what could very well be a massive tribute to those, like myself, who want to experience that same amount of wonder and joy that they did as they were children.

If there seems to be a lack of technical talk about stuff like the voice acting (very good), how’s the writing (a tad cliche at points, but still engaging and rather humorous ((plenty of great gags throughout)), how’s the music (beautiful), animation (equally beautiful), the characters (incredibly likable), it’s because well…..do you really want to hear basically the same tune told through a different instrument, or would you rather read about how much something means to someone?

Moana is medicine for happy.

Highly Recommended

Life, One Day at a Time

“Enjoy the Journey”

If you work so hard to achieve something, is the journey whats worthwhile or the accomplishment? I’ve always heard that phrase before, “Enjoy the journey.” It’s an odd little phrase because basically, no one enjoys the journey. How could you? You’re so dead set on a specific goal that while in process, the journey fades.

Why are we so quick to make sense of things? Why must humans always seek an answer? Or understanding of a situation? Is that the goal achieved not enough that we must make sense of the road that led us there? What “enjoying the journey” really means is you miss the hardships and push. The struggle, the blood, sweat and tears.

Today I was lucky enough to accomplish something that took a lot of sacrifice. A chunk of family time, my own energy and attention on one specific goal that had a trail of steps attached to it. As I look back at what it took to achieve such, I don’t miss the journey at all.

Sure, my travels took me to very interesting places and I met great people that I may never see again. And I am thankful for that. But, I would take all that back just to spend that time with my kids and wife.

I’m not saying this goal wasn’t worthwhile. Any goal is, if it means lots to you. But the goal was much more worthy of my time and energy then the journey.

“Enjoy The Journey” is a phrase I never quite understood. Now that I have journeyed, and reached a destination, I’m glad I have the ability to remember the journey, because I certainly won’t be embarking on another anytime soon.

I feel tired, worn out and exhausted; all from the journey.