April 2017 – ddileo

The Conversation Triangle

This is kind of a follow-up post from my previous. I was informed that Lindsey and 2 close friends embarked in an in-depth conversation last night. Not that anyone needs my permission or anything, but I strongly approve of moments like this. This isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last I harp on a such a subject as important as conversation.

I have told Lindsey many times I feel like the art of conversation is slowly dwindling away. Especially, meaningful conversations where one can grow and learn. I mean think about it, when was the last time you had a significant exchange of words with someone who was 100% invested in what you were saying?

With the rise of social media and the style of “connecting” it spawns, all the little nuances of actually sitting down, looking someone in the eyes and listening to them are lost. Social media disables you to “feel.” You can’t read heartbreak on someone’s voice when you’re reading text on a computer screen. You can’t sympathize through pixels. What social media unfortunatley does enable is quick judgements, silent spectating and empty assurance. It really is a poor excuse of connecting and if thats all the next generation of humans have; they will be sharply cheated out of real, genuine companionship.

In-depth conversations are not only profitable, they are needed. As living, breathing people, we long for connection and bonding, at least I do. And it’s a rare feat when it happens. But when it does, you can bet you’ll know. You feel the presence of something special. Something foreign that only happens when you invite it. From my experience, it takes honesty, patience and listening. The conversation triangle.

Regardless of what subjects were talked about during Lindsey and their conversation, if one yearned for understanding and achieved some sort of answer, thats all that matters. To be able to sit down and reason is a God given right and a necessity. Sometimes we lose sight of the simple things. Like just listening and learning from other people. Even if you don’t agree; switch your brain to learn, its unpopularly profitable.

In conclusion, I’m super thankful we have good friends and family where this is possible; good conversation. Sure, it’s a rarity in todays life. But almost all the battle is having the other half to talk to. We do. When Lindsey told me about their conversation, it served as a great reminder that we have friends who are there to talk when there is a need. And to me, thats priceless.

I had this client in Connecticut named Fred Russel. Fred was a warm, insightful man. He is one of my favorite people i’ve ever met. He was one of those individuals that you just wanted around. When he walked in the room, the atmosphere lit up with positivity.

I’m left thinking of something Fred always said at the end of his haircut. He would never fail to say: “Dan, another long conversation that seemed too short.”

I’ve always thought to myself: “ya, thats the mark of a good connection.” A long conversation that seemed too short.

Sprinkle some honesty, patience and listening on top, and you have something extremely rare and uniquely special.

Life, One Day at a Time

Political Differences

We live in a time of division and strife. It’s not hard to see how divided as a nation we are. Some say it’s the most divided we have ever been. I don’t know, I can’t speak to that. I do know its pretty bad, though. The foundation of that thick division is political difference. The United States of America is by definition a country of differences, we all come from different walks of life, different backgrounds, dissimilar upbringings. But we work it out as a nation. Because unlike any other country in the world, we have a working democracy that our forefathers were wise enough to instill.

Tonight Lindsey and I had a “discussion” about some of our political differences. There no reason to beat around the bush; we have many. Like, many. But for the most part we talked about it like humans and at the very least, we could understand where the other was coming from, I think. How we feel and why we felt that way.

Admittedly and admiringly, Lindsey is much smarter than me. Anyone who knows us knows that. I tend to express my stance through gut feelings. She is much more a fact driven, standards-minding person. I could respect that. I’ve always admired her patriotism. In many ways, I wish this was instilled in me also. I bring this up because no matter our political differences, we still manage to attempt to understand and respect one another.

It brings me great pain to conclude our country doesn’t regard either of those traits. We have zero tolerance for others and we want them to understand us. We have zero respect for someone who believes differently than ourselves, but we don’t try to understand, we lash out.

Yes, indeed. It’s a sad state our country is in. But late at night when its quiet and I’m thinking about these kind of things, I like to believe our country is made up of people like Lindsey and I. People we respect each other regardless of opinions politically charged or otherwise. I think Lindsey and I work because, we love each other as humans first, not policy first. We love and admire each other because of our characteristics as humans.

If our country is to get any better with understanding each other, we first have to look at others as humans and admire their characteristics. Humans aren’t walking political policies, we shouldn’t treat them as such. In the wise words of Rand Paul: “I would never vote for a bill without reading it.” I charge you, should you really judge a person without getting to know them?

I’m glad Lindsey didn’t.

Life, One Day at a Time

Beach Getaway

Lindsey has had awful toothaches recently, resulting in a root canal performed today. The last few nights have been literally unbearable for her. Its been tough to watcher suffer, especially when I can’t help. Thankfully she is feeling much better now. Any ways, she was home from work for about half the day because of her procedure. So around 4 pm I told Liam to go get some shorts on and informed him we were off to a secret location.

Ever since we watched ‘Moana’ the other day, I’ve had the beach on my mind. Luca is still a little too small to bring with, but since Linds was home it was a perfect opportunity to spend some much needed time with Liam.

Beach Getaway! On the way down Liam suggested some Moana music. It was pretty fantastic driving windows down with Moana music at loud volumes. I mean he enjoyed it… I was just along for the ride.

We drove our car on the beach ( I don’t have a permit but was told by a former NY’er now Amelia Island resident, “they never check, don’t worry about it.”) Good enough for me. Liam got a kick out of it. He kept wanting me to drive in the water.

From having a catch with a tennis ball to tracing our names in the sand, playing baseball and going for a long walk, it was a great time. Six year olds need to just run around and act crazy, it was really nice to let Liam let loose and enjoy himself.

It hit me driving back that who knows what memories Liam will retain as he gets older. I mean really, there’s no way of knowing. For Myself, you would think the “big” moments would be stickier than others, and some are. But the little getaways, conversations and life lessons from my mom and dad have stuck with me more than anything.

I hope he had a great time today, but I pray even more; Lindsey and I could give him something money can’t buy. Maybe, like a special memory or 2. He’s a very special little guy, I hope we’re half as special as parents.

Liam and his tennis ball enjoying the beach today

Life, One Day at a Time

Fire in the Sky

There has been an ominous feeling in the air the past few days. If you haven’t been up on weather news in southeast America, the West Mims wildland fire is still roaring about. As of this minute, the blaze has scorched 49,000 acres. Mostly contained in the Okefonokee Swamp, we here in Kingsland, GA have had eerie like conditions the past 48 hours.

Hazy smoke in the air, the smell of a fresh structure fire and small ashes gracefully dropping down to the ground. I must say growing up and living 27 years of my life in Connecticut, I am more than used to bad weather and atmosphere. Of course, that would all fall in the category of snow. But down here, is a whole other ballgame. Hurricanes, Wildland fires, a couple tornado warnings since we’ve moved. South Georgia has proven thus far to be a super hazardous area for weather.

But I like feeling the calm before the storm. I look for opportunities to be out experiencing it. For whatever reason, I feel a closeness with the energy it gives off. So around 8 tonight, I took one look out the window and got that cozy, windy weather feeling. I grabbed Little Luca, strapped him in his stroller and there we were, out on a walk under the pinkish, smokey sky. It was quite memorable to say the least. Just quiet in the air, no talking. He was very calm and enjoying the subtle breeze, as was I.

I’m unsure what the status is w/ the West Mims fire, but I hope they are starting to get a leg up on things. Looking at the map, the head of the fire is not moving towards our home at all. So, I’m thankful for that. It is intact heading towards where I work. The guys have been saying “no way it reaches us.” So I take them at their word and experience. As for the residents affected, I hope they heed the fire officials directions. Most don’t believe it or not.

I am also keeping all those Wildland firefighters in my prayers. They don’t get enough attention for the risks they take. Just Youtube Fire Tornado, that’ll help you understand what these guys are dealing with.

Life, One Day at a Time

The Unrealistic Expectation of Quality Time

Liam and I played a challenging game of Connect 4 today. It was awesome, and I could tell he really enjoyed playing. But, in the middle of dropping plastic discs into a grid I couldn’t shake thinking about the idea of quality time and how our society has taught us to define it.

Quality time is something I want to mentally invest in. I want to be spending time with family, loved ones, etc. But recently, when I rewind my mind to moments passed, I can’t for the life of me figure out if the time I spend involves any quality, or if it does, does my idea of quality time meet expectation?

Some would say, just being around someone is quality time. And over a length of period, time together builds relationships. I’m inclined to believe that, and take it at face value. But something inside me thinks to earn the merits of “Quality,” something special has to occur. I wonder about these types of things. Am I doing all I can to be a great Dad/Husband? What could I be doing more? What I am not doing enough of? It can be overwhelming at times.

I think the culture and marketing of lifestyle in America has pumped supremely unrealistic expectations of time and quality time into our brains . I think as a whole, they strongly have mixed possessions and spending time together successfully to make you feel inferior if you can’t achieve both.

By their standards you will need the following: A big house, 2 nice cars, fashionable clothes, 2 to 3 vacations a year, up to date technology and a big savings account – all the while of course, spending quality time with your family. If you’re not that family in the “Sandals” commercial, something is off.

If you have the luxury of this situation, then more power to you. I don’t begrudge you one bit. The issue I take is with the angle of: if you don’t have all of this, something is wrong. Thats a dangerous message that subconsciously injures and divides.

Sure, I struggle with identifying quality time vs. time. And the more I think about it, maybe “quality” time is defined by the person present, not by some universal law. But I most certainly don’t and won’t confuse quality time with the acquiring of possessions. If ‘things’ are the only thing that make us happy, the machine has won and old fashioned quality time has diminished more.

Quality time isn’t a bullet point on a list, I believe it’s essential for childhood development and adult health. We can have both: possessions and quality time, but if you have to choose, choose the one money can’t buy.

I’ll choose playing Connect 4 and watching my son enjoy himself over trying to one up the Sandals commercial any day of the week.

Life, One Day at a Time

Moana = Medicine for Happy

Tonight was a low key family night. Liam and I worked on the backyard in the staggering heat and after Liam’s bubble bath and my shower, Lindsey and I decided to order some pizza and make it a movie night.

Moana has been a film on our watch list for a long time. For whatever reason, its been pushed back and pushed back. Tonight was the night. As you might imagine, I have some thoughts:

“Moana” reminded me of why I loved Disney the way I used to. When it wasn’t bringing back memories of some of my favorite works of theirs through tons of similar visual cues, gags, and designs, it was simply making me happy

I was happy I was there. I was happy I was watching this. I was happy that a movie like this can still exist in a time full of hate, disappointment, and genuine disgust. I was happy that a musical could be one without shame, or need to go along the lines of filling in the blanks with whatever people are listening too. But it can be something I can call a musical and not just a movie that features people singing from time to time.

“Moana” goes the route of having the regular amount of songs typically found in most Disney films (putting around 5 or 6 in total, though I could be wrong), but uses them as a means of expressing characters and story elements without it ever feeling like it cuts out before it reaches its peak.

Most of the songs themselves aren’t as memorable as others, but man, as much as I could complain about that, when they showed up, I could NOT stop myself from having a great time and feeling happy.

And in fact, I think that sums up the my experience with this perfectly. I know for a fact I could find plenty to complain about, like how there’s less of a focus of Moana’s family once she sets out to sea, even though it took up a good twenty or so minutes of the film, or how the third act tends to feel a bit run of the mill. But, I just don’t want to.

For as much as I could harp on those elements, I could spend an equal amount of time talking about the beautiful colors and animation “Moana” showcases from frame one. Something I noticed about the three main Disney Princess movies of the last 6 years (“Tangled”, “Frozen”, “Moana”), is that each tend to have a distinct use of specific colors.

*Speculation time*

With “Tangled,” it was Gold and Purple. With “Frozen”, it was White and Shades of Light Blue. And with “Moana”, it’s shimmering Greens and Blues. Every time there’s a shot of an island or of the ocean, your eyes are always brought back to the color and what shapes they’re taking forms of.

*Speculation time over*

I don’t know about you, but I grew up with these type of movies, these animation styles, these types of songs, characters, so on and so forth. So to see the people who made it come back to the big screen for the first time in over five years and make what could very well be a massive tribute to those, like myself, who want to experience that same amount of wonder and joy that they did as they were children.

If there seems to be a lack of technical talk about stuff like the voice acting (very good), how’s the writing (a tad cliche at points, but still engaging and rather humorous ((plenty of great gags throughout)), how’s the music (beautiful), animation (equally beautiful), the characters (incredibly likable), it’s because well…..do you really want to hear basically the same tune told through a different instrument, or would you rather read about how much something means to someone?

Moana is medicine for happy.

Highly Recommended

Life, One Day at a Time

“Enjoy the Journey”

If you work so hard to achieve something, is the journey whats worthwhile or the accomplishment? I’ve always heard that phrase before, “Enjoy the journey.” It’s an odd little phrase because basically, no one enjoys the journey. How could you? You’re so dead set on a specific goal that while in process, the journey fades.

Why are we so quick to make sense of things? Why must humans always seek an answer? Or understanding of a situation? Is that the goal achieved not enough that we must make sense of the road that led us there? What “enjoying the journey” really means is you miss the hardships and push. The struggle, the blood, sweat and tears.

Today I was lucky enough to accomplish something that took a lot of sacrifice. A chunk of family time, my own energy and attention on one specific goal that had a trail of steps attached to it. As I look back at what it took to achieve such, I don’t miss the journey at all.

Sure, my travels took me to very interesting places and I met great people that I may never see again. And I am thankful for that. But, I would take all that back just to spend that time with my kids and wife.

I’m not saying this goal wasn’t worthwhile. Any goal is, if it means lots to you. But the goal was much more worthy of my time and energy then the journey.

“Enjoy The Journey” is a phrase I never quite understood. Now that I have journeyed, and reached a destination, I’m glad I have the ability to remember the journey, because I certainly won’t be embarking on another anytime soon.

I feel tired, worn out and exhausted; all from the journey.

Life, One Day at a Time

Dinner Dates & Castle

The older I get the more intrigued I am of good conversation and good company. I remember being young, fancied with whimsical, loud toys and such items. Now I enjoy just letting people talk, listening to them and learning about each other.

Dinner dates are a perfect venue for such. If there are no kids involved, usually attendees will let their hair down and just be them. I like that. It’s a simple, clean idea that we seem to lose in this busy, rushed world. Talk and connect.

Recently Lindsey and I were out on a dinner date with our close friends, Cristen and Jeremy. They are at a amazingly unique time in their life. Why you ask? Nothing major, just gonna have a baby tomorrow.

Game changing, life altering, however you would like to put it – tomorrow is a huge day for them. Seasoned parents at this point, it was clear during our dinner date they are as ready and calm as any soon to be parent could be.

Truth is, maybe dinner dates are ending for us for a while with their new addition arriving. They are a couple clearly blessed beyond measure and deserve whatever gifts God bestows upon them.

2 of the most unselfish, genuinely nice people in the world. Congrats Cristen and Jeremy! Although our dinner dates will suffer for while, I take comfort in knowing your sleep will suffer just a tiny bit more.

I kid , I kid…..

Love you guys and can’t wait to meet little Castle!

Life, One Day at a Time

Liam School Decision

Liam’s teacher asked me today if he would be attending the school next year. Im sure this was because “early enrollment” for next year is ending soon and we haven’t joined in. I told her, “yes.” But truthfully, Lindsey and I have been thinking hard about what is best for him and his future. Chances are, we are most likely going to keep him in his current school, but we want to make the right decision, for him, at the right time.

I came to the realization that a decision needs to be made sooner, rather than later. I was telling my mom (who was down visiting last week) that it makes total sense to switch him over to a different school earlier, rather than later. I just would hate taking him away from his friends.

Also, it really tears me apart inside to think of him in an uncomfortable situation. Being somewhere he is not familiar with, around people he doesn’t know. I guess thats the parent in me, but imagining him in any harm or discomfort whatsoever makes me extremely uncomfortable to say the least.

Maybe thats a parenting “turns out” moment. You could protect your kids as much as you want, but life catches up eventually and teaches lessons. Come to think of it, anything in life I ever felt a “gain” from afterwords had adversity written all over it. But, the pain of seeing any one of my kids feel the slight bit of hardship really hits me deep.

Guess I need to work on that. For their sake as well as mine.

Life, One Day at a Time

Technology & the Slot Machine Effect

At best obsessive, at worst addictive behavior. Thats not a great place to be.

I have been doing much thinking regarding tech and how it effects my life. More specifically, the instantaneous way we receive what we want, when we want it from our devices. The reality is frightening, but equally odd. Odd? Basically, we all know getting things immediately and without wait – on our time frame, in our elected way, all the time – is universally known to be awful for A). Raising children and B). Our expectation meter. But here we are driving a car off the cliff knowingly while we update our status, of course.

Are these machines and software just being built to keep people hooked on repetitive reward behavior, I thought? Another good question. I was thinking about this on my drive to work the other morning and then it hit me. So, so similar to the slot machine formula. It’s the same psychology to the point where its not just certain people are going to use their device to just be on twitter, or on Facebook.

Developers, etc are creating an experience to ensure that your decision making will choose the device over real people interactions and although I think deep down in their hearts they think they are just making an “good experience” for the user, the truth is they want you to use their software. Get on that app and post your status, pull to refresh all day. If receptive usage means good design, then by all means software designers are at the peak of their game.

How did it get like this? Truth is there always has been some degree of this in culture. The newspaper would be the first form of solo isolation in a mass market to utilize repetitive use. So honestly, the “everyone at the holiday party looking at their cell phones and not interacting” excuse isn’t applicable, because the same happened on many, many years ago with newspapers.

Then of course TV. Another medium that draws attention to the single item for repetitive usage. This is another iteration of an “on demand” product. Not so much that individuals had Netflix back in the 50’s. But to some extent that they had a remote and the option to choose a channel. The early stages of on demand I would contest.

You know the rest: Enter the Internet, the revolution of the personal PC, then iPods, iPhones, iPads and wearable devices. Theres no questioning this is our current isolation, reward seeking state.

To be completely honest, it’s disheartening . Its unfortunate to walk around restaurants and see every kid face planted in a cell phone instead of interacting with with their family. Or is that just todays version of everyone reading the newspaper?

Odd times we live in.